Put down the "pick me" banner!

Put down the "pick me!" "pick me!" banner for someone who is hot and cold

A lesson in valuing yourself is to refrain from

asking someone to choose you. Choose someone who is choosing you in a relationship.

If you are having to compete for attention in a relationship, where someone is giving priority to other things or other people without contributing consistently to the relationship container, you do not need to keep working hard to be seen, or to ask them to pick you.

If you are choosing a person who is not choosing you, you end up in a one-sided relationship. You end work for two, live for two and give and take for two.

If you are dealing with someone who comes and goes, and who blows hot and cold, they might not be sure about their relationship with you. If you were "it", they would not put themselves in a situation where they might lose you.

Someone you have to desperately chase, beg for attention from, request for consistency and simple clear communication is most likely confused about the relationship.

That means this person is not choosing you, or is taking what they are given.

Simply avoid complications or situations where you have to prove yourself to stay with someone.

Working hard to show you are loveable.

Doing all you can to keep them in your life. To wait patiently while they confused, sorted and then confused again becaise they might be repulsed and feel that, " "If this person was special and had options, why would they put up with my bad behaviour?"

Another moment they might bring the breadcrumbs, " I need someone, I might as well go back there. Someone is waiting forever for me!"

Put down the "pick me" placard you might wave at them from the rooftop.

Like a kite, release them. Give them their whole space and freedom,

Any "pick me" you need to do is for you, and involves making yourself a priority and choosing yourself. It is self-respecting to distance yourself and not to keep choosing this person who is not consistently coming towards you.

If he or she comes back on the breadcrumbing phase of hot and cold, it might be a good idea to make yourself scarce. Avoid behaving is if someone who ignores you sometimes or is not meeting your needs, is doing you a favour by coming back to you. They are not choosing you. They are just conditioning you to accept a relationship on their terms.

You are not desperate.

You have options.

You have a responsibility to yourself to protect yourself from inconsistency. Inconsistency can trigger you constantly, leaving you uncertain, untrusting and ultimately traumatised.

Avoid losing your sanity and dignity efforting to be in a relationship. Or fighting for a slot in someone's life. Keep competitions to marathons and Olympics.