Prioritise your recovery from unhealthy relationship patterns

Make an intentional decision to take the steps to heal from your unhealthy relationship patterns. It might sound hard work to work on yourself, to make yourself a priority no matter what. However, imagine all the work, effort and energy you are focusing on a partner to change and to recover. You can then just focus that attention on yourself where it belongs.

You need to commit to yourself. This might be the first time in your life where you focus your nurturing and attention on yourself.

It is hard to prioritise yourself for the first time. If you can just maintain consistency with therapy appointments, group sessions, you can gradually learn to value yourself and to promote your own healing.

Learn about your challenge or your problem, to understand the reason why you do what you do, and why you are in the situation you are in. Rather than focus on a partner or their condition, or what you believe to be their condition, it helps you to know your own diagnosis. In the long run, knowing their diagnosis does little for your own healing. Remember, the right fit theory.

It is going to be hard for you to accept the diagnosis leading you to the behaviours, which are leading you into relationships or dynamics that you have been in or that you are in right now.

However it is even more uncomfortable to continue living with your patterns, without an understanding of how your past, your childhood affects you.

Be ready to spend time and money to recover. You might think that it is wasteful to invest in your healing. Consider how much time and money you spend in a painful relationship.

The money you might be spending on drink, using drugs, eating too much and trying to escape during trips.

Money for replacement of items or furniture, which might be broken in fits of rage in the unhealthy relationship .

All the money that you might spend paying for medication and medical bills for your mental health challenges that stem from your unhealthy relationship.

Invest in your recovery and you get returns. Robin Norwood

Committing to your recovery means that you also stop your addictions in order to actually recover.

Experience your emotions

It is important to experience your emotions without numbing with drugs. Full recovery only comes through experiencing your emotions and releasing them.

Fear and discomfort will make you feel that without numbing you cannot heal.

Remember, your healing takes place outside therapy or group sessions when you are triggered, and you manage your emotions and your triggers. SIFTSEM is on Amazon to help you to experience your emotions.

If you do not prioritise your healing you will remain unwell, busy doing things that keep you sick.

Healing work requires consistent practice and repetition of use of tools. Just like exercise, use of tools is like a muscle that you strengthen over time with repeated practice.

If you were physically ill, you would take action to get better. Do the same with your recovery from addiction of unhealthy relationships or alcohol and substances.

This will help you to improve the quality of your life. In order to prioritise your healing you need to keep your appointments for therapy and counselling and group sessions.

These are more important than spending time with a man, taking a trip to get away from your unhealthy relationship, trying to make anyone and everyone happy for their approval.

Heal for yourself.