Post infidelity and your partner is still talking to the person they betrayed you with.

Your partner might continue to talk to their betrayal mate , because the issues leading to the break up were not addressed in your relationship. The issues in the relationship were not resolved. You might have just decided to restart relationship as normal, without addressing the betrayal.

When you love someone too much, you might not consider that you need to act in your best interest. You might just feel relieved to have them in your life. However, you might also start to fix your partner when they do not change their patterns. You can then create a hamster wheel.

If discussing your feelings towards continued communication between your partner and the person they betrayed you with is not helping, what do you do?

You take action. If your partner is not doing something that would help to improve the relationship, they are choosing.

Healthy relationships thrive on transparency, respect and honesty. These characteristics are even more of a priority in this period of trial.

The question is, " Do they respect your feelings? "

If your partner is not respecting your feelings, they might not have the incentive to change. They might not be invested

Is your partner willing to make intentional and obvious changes if they continue to talk to this person?

You partner has the right to choose what they want. So do you. This is not just about choice. It is about making the right choices for you.

What are your values when you stay in an environment where you are disrespected?

When there is infidelity, the best first step is to respect yourself. This means automatically pausing the relationship, separate and live apart where possible. Or you live like an unmarried couple. However, this does not mean start dating. Instead, you need to start healing. You need to go within and address your self-relationship. Do not re-do relationship until you reset the whole dynamic.

Issues to explore

1. Address why the "infidelity happened." Infidelity is a sympton. Question yourself, "Why am I here?" There is a reason why you ended up in this situation. It could be that you ignored red flags.

2. Identify areas that you need to work on. Yes, you. There are areas you might need to explore that led to this situation. This is not about blaming yourself. This is about growth.

3. Take responsibility for your side of the relationship. As above.

4. Agree to get help. Therapy or counselling for one and both. If your partner refuses to get help, that might hinder progress. You both have work to do.

5. Start relationship from scratch if you are assured there is genuine change. You will be entering a diffrent relationship. It is no longer the same relationship you started back then. Your old relationship is dead because it was not healthy. It led to betrayal. Lay to rest your old relationship.

6. Learn to trust yourself to make the right decisions in your life. This is based on your self-relationship.

7. If you trust yourself, you need to build that trust in your relationship again.

8. Without trust you will abuse your partner. If you cannot trust your partner anymore, let them go.

If you have taken the above steps, and your partner is still talking to the other person they had an affair with, what you need to do is to explore your values. What matters to you?

Create boundaries for yourself, not for them. Ask yourself what you want, and why you have to ask someone to change something they do, for you to feel secure? Obviously, your partner is choosing. What are you choosing?

Pause the relationship until there are changes in the situation, if you do not feel safe. You do not need to negotiate, demand or fight for changes.

Allow space in a seperation The rationale behind seperation is as follows. . Seperation is not necessarily permanent. It is space "for time to get clarity!" Both parties are going to need to reflect individually, without the influence of the other. It is challenging to heal in a place that made you ill in the first place. Seperation also communicates that, " I value myself and I do not fear or want to lose you! I will not lose myself because of you." Staying together can lead to resentment and toxicity. If people do not separate briefly and continue as normal, that might be an indication of lack of boundaries and fear of losing the other person.

Value yourself enough to be OK losing someone who does not consider your feelings.

People are free to choose who to talk to, but post infidelity it can be a challenge if they continue to talk to the person involved. If they work together, or they have a child together, you cannot change anything apart from your attitude. You need to trust your partner.

If you struggle either way, however, you need move forward with your life. Otherwise you will be unhappy and recreate a toxic dynamic.

Creating and implementing these solutions prior to continuing the relationship will save yourself from from going forwards and backwards later on. This means if you take your time to think through what you want, observe the dynamic without rushing to get back to where it was before, you can easily take action to leave at the first sign of red flags.