Passive aggressive behaviour and people pleasing

Passive aggressive behaviour in your relationship

If you agree to your partner doing something you are not happy with, without tuning in to your emotions, it helps you reflect on the effects or impact of this appeasement behaviour. Any behaviours that do not serve us begin with avoidance of emotions.

This is not to say you need to argue with a partner or stop them from doing or going where they want to go.

For example, your partner is going out with friends, but you have not gone out together for a long time. Perhaps you are feeling resentful that they are choosing friends over you. What is effective and helpful for you is to detach and make a self-enquiry.

Tune into your emotions and use them to create solutions in your best interest.

You cannot stop your partner from going out, but you can observe whether they are avoiding going out with you. At the same time, there is nothing stopping you from also making plans to go out. You might also inspire your partner to take you out.

1. Before you take any action about this, look into how you are both behaving in the relationship. A partner will want to go out with you because they feel good around you. Begin to detach, and focus on trusting and allowing.

2. Start with expressing how you would love to gp out next time. Or hoe you enjoyed the last outing. Do not keep repeating yourself or complaining.

3. Start to plan outings alone, to learn to manage without needing others. Coffee dates, and maybe eating out alone.

4. Go out with your immediate circle. If you have children, take them out on dates.

Go out with family and with your friends. Have one day a week where you do something significant alone, and also a day with your close people.

5. If you notice that you only meet your partner at home or indoors, you might let them know that you will meet them at a specific place , a cafe or park , so that you can go out. Just state, without complaining. Agree a time, then say, " I will meet you at Costa Coffee!" If they try to push the date to a home date, cancel them and go to Costa.

6. You can also let them know that you planning to going out, and they are welcome to join you.

7. If they are not willing to do dates, you can rest assured the relationship might be heading towards friends with benefits.

8. When you have established a date first time, sit down, create and agree rituals such as date nights weekly, conflict resolution weekly, holding hands, looking into each other's eyes and exchanging words of affirmations.

9. Practise appreciation for a partner and inspire them just as you would like to be inspired with their appreciation. Do not over function. You do not have to contort yourself to fit in.

10. Sometimes, a partner might not want to spend time with you because of behaviour. Observe how you are both showing up.

11.If you are doing your best and there is no change or improvement, it is ok to let go. Every relationship has an end by date.