Parenting

The source of our adult problems and successes can be retraced back to childhood. To parenting or how we were parented. So, we need to reflect on how we parent. To have our children retrace positive experiences.

Parenting or conditioning is the source life and relationship outcomes in adulthood. To understand your behaviour, be aware of how you were raised and your childhood environment. To change the future for generations to come, parent consciously. If you are a parent, you might recognise that some of what we call discipline, is a coping strategy to manage our own stresses, rather than to help the child. We might struggle with ourselves, or feel angry at the child from an inability to control outcomes. This is because we have not mastered detachment. To sit with our feelings and parent ourselves before addressing the child. The child does not need a raised voice to understand. Nor does the child need a spank or slap. That is punishment, and pain. What the child needs is understanding, acknowledgement and guidance. We might rush to punish, not because the problem is with the child, but because we have a sense of urgency. Our own anxiety has been triggered, and unless we sit with it, the only cathartic way to release it in a somewhat unhealthy way, albeit unconscious, is by lashing out at the weakest object in sight. The child.

What that does to the child is teach them denial. That their emotions are invalid, and ours are. That thru need to please us and do as we wish to be loved. That they need to disregard their emotions, their guidance system if they are to survive with us. When a machine at the office misbehaves or stops working, perhaps we swear, or kick it , which might have us fired. Or we feel the frustration, breathe, recognise that everything is flawed, and report to management. Children require the same approach. They are human and flawed. They do not know everything and are still learning. They need patience and guidance. They are learning from how we punish, discipline and love them. They copy behaviour, not what we tell them. They are relying on us to teach them life and relationships. They do not deserve to be punching bags for our frustrations. They deserve the same respect we give our bosses and pastors. They need to know what is going on. Uncertainty is not helpful for them. They need choices, and positive risk taking. They rely on us to learn to regulate themselves. That is not likely to happen when the patent is always angry and punitive. They grow up messed up if all they get is criticism, punishment and inattention. Sometimes we see how we raised our children through how they behave towards us in adulthood. Or how we might keep trying to make up for what we might not have done. None of us is perfect. And many of us already messed up, by doing what we did with what we had. Still, it is not too late to be an example to your grown childre by loving yourself. And to your grandchildren by supporting your adult children. But for those who have young children. You have an opportunity to change the direction of future humans and future relationships. Let the generational trauma end with you.

Heal for your children and future generations.