Nobody can stop you from leaving

It is helpful to recognise that you have the freedom to choose to continue with your plans to leave. Many times someone will say that they are being prevented from leaving by a partner who is not meeting their needs. However, if you decode that you need to stay with some indecision from the trauma bond, here is what you might consider. There are two ways you can approach this. You can reset the whole relationship while living apart or while living together. However, the work that changes your life is going to be done by you. That work will impact the relationship outcomes. If you have decide to stay, it is worth reflecting on the fact that you intended to leave. There was a reason why you wanted to leave. Honour that reason and track its roots and work on the cause. This is the reason you need time to start the relationship from scratch instead of simply giving in to the persuasion and going back. Let your partner know that you need space for now and will be working on yourself. If you decide to live apart, the relationship will be on pause, and contact can be minimised to parental contact or minimum contact. If you live together, it might be equally wise to pause relationship activities such as sex and spending time together. Look into your childhood and past traumas for the root of your problems and also your partner's childhood to find out why you are the right fit. Consider therapy or intentional healing. Work on self-love and learn to trust yourself, and therefore the right partner. Consider the behaviours that are contributing to the problems in the relationship. Learn emotional regulation and healthy conflict resolution. Start journaling emotions using the SIFTSEM Journal on Amazon. Love on the second level At some point when you are ready, start dating from scratch. In either case, observe yours and your partner's behaviour. Avoid sex as it muddies the currents and prevents clarity. Maintain boundaries. Do not put pressure on each other. Introduce relationship rituals of love with five love languages and five senses. Introduce conflict resolution hour weekly. Apply each person's primary love daily. Hold hands and look in each other's eyes and repeat words of affirmations. Practice appreciation. Avoid fault finding. Learn to take responsibility. Treat your partner like your equal not a child or parent. Respect each other. Remember, as long as you keep choosing each other from a place of love, you can restart a healthy dynamic. If on the other hand you do not notice any changes, you are free to exit and continue your healing. Your life is up to you.