Mixed priorities

The fear and jealous of leaving a partner in a toxic relationship

Sometimes we might have self-limiting beliefs that prevent us from leaving a toxic relationship.

Perhaps you feel jealous because you believe that if you leave your toxic relationship partner they will meet someone better.

The bottom line is that it should not matter who they meet, but what it is good for you. You cannot prevent people from meeting who they will meet or who they want. All you need to look into is whether where you are is good for you or not.

Recognise that what you are thinking is just a thought , with accompanying feelings. It does not mean that it is the only perspective out there.

It is also a self-limiting belief which can keep you stuck in an unhealthy situation. In this state, you focus on someone else's behaviour instead of your life.

What is helpful is to follow your thoughts and find out why you think them.

Underlying it is most likely fear.

Fear of letting go.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of something good and less addictive. Fear of change.

Fear of coming across the unfamiliar and how you might handle that.

Fear of not managing or helping. Perhaps you are used to overfunctioning.

That is OK too. But, it is what you need to do that matters.

Create reframes. What other perspective is out there?

Is outward appearance and what people have a criterion for assessing compatibility?

Is it your partner you need to focus on or what you need to do with with and in the relationship.

Unmet need is most likely "to be in control." You also need growth mindset to have fun and new challenges.

Create solutions to confront that fear and your control tendencies.

If you do not feel ready to leave, use this relationship as your training ground.

Lead by example in your relationship, and introduce self-development in your relationships.

Detach

Inspire and communicate from the heart.

Learn to love yourself and feel worthy of healthy spaces.

Make yourself your number one business and priority.

You also need to find tools to replace your partner and what you fear losing. Replace your partner with you. Give yourself the love and attention you want to give them. Let them choose.

Above all, look for accountability in a supportive community, with a supportive person. This person can remind you to focus on yourself and your goals.

When you have the love for self to improve your outcomes, tools to help you along the way, and someone to hold you accountable, you might create a healthy dynamic.

If not, it will not be so daunting to get out and choose you.

Do not be held back by focusing on what is outside your control. People have choices.

Heal your inner child and insecurity. You are worthy and you do not need to compare yourself with anyone.