Manifestations of loving too much

People who love too much come from families which are either lonely and isolated , rejected. Or they were overburdened inappropriately with responsibilities leading to self-sacrifice and being overly nurturing in case they were exposed to chaos . For this reason they developed control tendencies for people and situations around them.

The only way a person who has this behaviour continues it, is by finding the right partner who either needs this behaviour or enables it.

This is possible when he or she finds a partner who has some areas of life for which they are irresponsible. This allows the person who controls and nurtures(loves too much), to help and struggle to change a partner through power and persuasion of love.

Knowing very well the relationship is not working, is going to be hard work, this person ignores the reality of the challenges presented.

This is because there is a deep rooted desire for "happy ever after" and the belief in struggle to get what he or she has always wanted - love that parents could not afford.

Any red flags are labelled as not that bad or excuses are made for the partner who is misbehaving. As the partner lets this person down, the more dependent this person becomes on the partner, taking responsibility for partner's welfare, problems, and feelings for this person.

Too much focus on a partner zaps the energy off this person, and the partner becomes the source of all good things and happiness. This person tries to fix the partner, to feel good without looking within for gratification. This person is too busy fixing any problem in the relationship.

If she can make him happy, he can treat her better.

Blames herself for his upsets

Feels guilty for being unhappy herself.

That there is nothing wrong with him , but her. Disease process of loving too much The disease of loving too much needs a diagnosis, just like any medical condition or addiction. It starts with an assessment of your presenting behaviour in relationships, how you feel, the relationship dynamic, as well as the dynamic of the home in which you were raised. It proceeds to assess the impact of your addiction on your health, mental and physical, on your other relationships, your children, work, interests, your families and friendships. Society has taught us that we need to be in romantic relationships, and suffering is a sign of love. Society, will equally need to support us to heal and become more focused on prioritising, meeting our needs and loving ourselves in or outside romantic relationships. Support will look like learning to acknowledge and being honest about how we feel, and parenting ourselves. Part of root cause treatment will look like baby steps to learn to be with our discomfort and to parent ourselves and make decisions in our best interest. To learn to be without a relationship or not rely on a man or woman to be the source of our happiness. To be able to make decisions that are in our best interest. Without an ability to sit with our challenges or triggers, we cannot expect anyone to sit with our challenges and triggers for us, or with us all the time. As we become more able to act in our best interest, and to relate in a healthy way with ourselves, we are able to gravitate towards healthy romantic relationships. To have joy without extracting it from a romantic relationship. This is because of our newfound ability to discern and choose a healthy relationship. Evaluation comes from how we feel in ourselves, how we begin to view ourselves, our support groups, accountability partners and co-parents. Healing needs to take place in the community. We are traumatised in the community.