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Managing the self contradictions in relationship choices

When what you say want and what you accept do not match, refer to your values manual. You are contradicting yourself.


On a deeper level, we want a fulfilling peaceful life, satisfying relationships and deeper connections, and to be the best parents. Yet, we end up settling in situationsthat we would not recommend for others. We end up choosing to be in relationships that go against what we believe.


This is because, we are held back by fear. There are so many of your fears that are triggered when you meet someone in a few or out of many. You do the sifting online as you choose, even as you refuse dates, but then there is this person you meet and your fear is triggered. Fear of being alone forever Fear that he is too good. Fear that she is the only person who is different from all the other women you have been with. Fear that since he has money he will get any woman he wants. It might as well be you. You have to give up most of all your fears. You have to let go. Your fears are just blocking your desires. You are choosing people out of fear. You are begging wrong people to stay out of fear. You are getting into unhealthy relationships out of fear. You are tuning in to your anxiety out of fear. Not everyone you meet is supposed to be your sweetheart. Not everyone you meet is supposed to be the right fit. It might take months or years to meet someone who is aligned to your purpose. Sometimes you meet people and have a single to 5 dates. That is OK. Enjoy. Sometimes you spend 6 months together. That is OK. Sometimes it is years. That is OK. Just make sure it is the best day, weeks, months or years of your life. When the signal or red light is flashing, it is time to let go. Trust the process. When the relationship is going wrong or things are no longer as good as they are, that is the signal for you to change something. To look into what fears are leading to this new dance, and change how you are showing up. Or if things have to just go , then have to go. Some people are struggling with fear of letting go when it is time to undo a mistake they made 20 to 30 years ago by getting married to their partner, due to fear. Some people are wondering what is going on when they do know that the relationship is unhealthy. However, due to fear they stay put. If you are finding that there is a signal of an uphill struggle in a relationship, then it is a better idea to pause, and ask yourself, 1. What is this teaching me? 2. What can I do about it? Not we, but I. Because the signal is for you. Whatever lessons this has for you, will also impact the relationship. Whatever you decide to do about it, will equally impact the relationship. When your relationships are indicating self-contradiction and are no longer satisfying you per your desire and not aligned with your purpose of a quality satisfying life, it is perhaps time to revisit and address your values. That is something you have to do alone. Let go of your fears, and let go of the self-contradiction.



 
 
 

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