Making excuses for a partner's bad behaviour

There is a difference between believing in someone and putting up with bad behaviour. There is a difference between supporting a lover and enabling them.

If you are with someone who is consistently not meeting your needs and you keep giving them first class treatment, then that is enabling.

If you give a partner money, so that they stay; if you give them money for drugs or alcohol; if you let them get away with not working or working without contributing to the househild; and even when you do all this and they do not lift a finger to help in the home, they will not grow love for you if they did not love you in the first place. You are not only enabling them, you are

giving to get.

If your partner does not respect you, and they keep pushing boundaries, and you do not address the situation, with yourself and them, you are most likely letting then get away with bad behaviour.

If you are in a relationship with someone who only considers their needs without feeding the relationship container, then they are not likely to change the situation if you stay without addressing the issues.

If your partner is seeing other people without such agreement in the relationship, and you keep getting mad, then taking then back, they do have the incentive to change.

If you stay with someone who physically and verbally abuses you, without reporting physical abuse to authorities, or creating boundaries, they do not change without consequences.

Your ex might make life difficult for you and disrespect you. Unless you block them or keep contact strictly parental, they might cobtinue to feel entitled and treat you badly.

Even though this person might be really good when they are good, you do not get back the worst of times you experience with them.

As long as you do everything for someone, they will not do anything. If you initiate contact, plan and do everything without them lifting a finger, you are putting them out of work. If you keep cheering on their bad behaviour, they will excel in hurting you.

This is a trauma bond, and you are with a trauma mate. Perhaps that is how you saw love done in your childhood. Perhaps that is how you tried to "get loved" as a child. It does not have to be this way anymore. Learn to love yourself and remember to only allow your inner child to stay in safe spaces.