Love yourself first

The reasons to love yourself before and while in relationships If you want to be loved in a certain way at some point, reflect on what that looks like. Only you know what you feel, think or experience. Only you understand what it means to be you. Only you have all the time for you. Only through your behaviour, are you able to avoid self-betrayal. Everyone else is doing or needs to do the same for themselves, due to the self-bpundary. With that in mind, you got to think of who you are probably hoping is going to love you. That person too might be hoping someone else, maybe you or another needs to love them. Remember, the world has its own pain. For that reason, you want to recognise that it is only you who is constantly, consistently and always there for you. Whether you are aware of that responsibility or not is what determines your self-relationship outcomes. So, you want to start learning to give yourself that which you want from others first. Because then, if people are not there, temporarily, or permanently, then you do not feel so deprived. The challenging most difficult and obvious truth is that, even as you struggle, people will continue to live their lives. Even when you are going through your challenges, people will not pause most of what they do, for you. While people can hold space, even your partner, you are still going home alone with your grief. Because home is within you foremost. So, remember to look after yourself. Remember, to put yourself on your priority list. Remember, to look out for yourself and parent yourself before you look for others or another to be there. You can be replaced at work, but you cannot replace you. You can be replaced in a relationship, but only you can be there for you. People will do what people do. They do not necessarily have to answer to you, or do what you expect them to do. We owe each other nothing, even though, ironically, we also owe the greater good. For this reason, people can choose their greater good to which to contribute. So, be the person you want to see in others, and perhaps one day too, you can see that person in others. Or in another. Also, when you know your standard, you will recognise it when it arrives. Above all as you grieve your losses or shed your old self, focus on situations you are looking for, not specific people. People come and go like the seasons, but the universe abhors a vacuum. It therefore constantly puts something and someone in the space of those who leave. The only way to notice it is if you are in receiving mode. Everyone who comes into your life comes for a purpose, a reason. For this reason too, do not hold on to to anyone or anything, because those who are on the same path with you, will walk with you. For a minute. For a glimpse. A season A reason A lifetime. As difficulties arise in your relationships, you are able to recognise that as an indication of a closing door. Do not put your foot on that door to prevent it from closing, lest you hurt your whole leg from the pressure of resistance. Loving yourself means allowing closing doors while trusting the process to open other doors all round. Loving yourself means you do not fight for your place to be loved. You know you are love. You continue to love and knowing the love you need will be mirrored by someone coming towards you. Loving yourself respects reasons and seasons. Focus on what is within your control. Do what you can to influence what you can. Let go of what is outside your control: other people, the weather and buildings. Loving yourself is knowing that you have so much of yourself to focus on and control without trying trying to fix others or their chaos. Heal for yourself.