Let go of the wheel

To all the brave , courageous, gravity defying, odds defeating women of our day, or the male equivalent; who like me once upon a time, believe that she could crank a dead engine of a relationship into obedience, by ; 1. Trying to do both the giving and receiving. 2. Giving so much time and effort that the other person did not have anything to do! Believing that it made them feel loved! 3. Providing money and paying for dates, holidays, presents, paying fees for their kids, and giving to their families so that they would approve of the relationship. Believing that it is being a provider that makes you a great person! 4. Fighting off the competition by proving worthiness through a career, a business, or property! Believing that being worldly success is what makes you the winning team! 5. Showing off the body and condemning the perceived competition due to looks. Believing that how people look is what keeps a partner. 6. If the partner would not be calling, they are busy, we got it! "No worries darling. I can call and answer too!" 7. If the partner is straying, it is the other woman, or third party's issue, we are on it! Ring ring, " Leave my man or woman alone you homewrecker! I will sort you out" 8. If we see those other people on our partner's timeline, " How dare you talk to my person! My person need to only talk to me!" We might need to carry our person in the handbag too! Just in case! 9. When our partner says they want to leave, we persuade them to see how good we are together. Believing that they are mistaken. This list goes on " You cannot go out with these people!" "You cannot go out without me!" "You cannot talk to your ex!" " I need to deal with your ex so that I feel secure!" "Eat this, not that, wear this, not that, to look like this and not that! We handle everything so that our lover does not have to worry about anything. Yet, with each situation handled, we remove a brick of our relationship. We remove a part of the already dying engine. We close our eyes to our own red flags. We shut down our guidance system. We do not tune in to the emotions surrounding these stories. Consequently, the engine comes to a halt, and we get shocked. Each mechanic we call out says the same thing, "Scrapyard!" But it is hard. Because we have built our life on this relationship. We have attached every ounce of worthiness to it. We cannot bear to pass them on to a lucky woman or man who gets a ready made partner! A partner we have done so much for! So the inner toddler takes over, throws a hiss and fit. Tries too hard, forces outcomes, hits out, labels, and eventually one of us sees sense. " This is not working!" And we sit down , slump down or lie down dejected. Hard work does not pay off after all. Not this way anyway. The stories from the past come to mind, "Relationships are pointless." "People are not appreciative."

"You are not loveable!"

"You are hard work!" "Men cheat my friends! " Women are not to be trusted!" "Just have fun and leave them!" "We will not fall in love again. Ever!" There is another way... It helps to recognise that gravity, is gravity, and it is law. When the engine is clunking, and nearly dying, the best action is to let go of the wheel and park the thing.

To love yourself and assess what exactly you need. What you want in life and from this situation, this person.

Ask yourself whether this is the only source of whatever you are looking for.

Be honest with yourself and recognise that you have it in you to give yourself thatbwhich you seek in this person or situation.

Then, acknowledge that there are plenty others from whence this person came.

Work on the self and those limiting beliefs.

Foremost, improve and strengthen the relationship with the self.

Call in the expert help. Sometimes you can resuscitate a relationship by assessing your contribution and allowing the other person to do the same, in a neutral place or healing.

Detach and focus on yourself, and allow a relationship to be the two way it is meant to be.

Create space and let the other person do their bit.

Manage your anxiety that makes you feel impatient which has you getting into the space.

Let them show you whether they are in or out with their actions.

When people choose to get into a relationship, they know what it involves. It is not your job to do a double shift.

If they cannot make the time to do a relationship they volunteered to get into, that is the information you need to decide where to go from there.

It takes two to make or break a relationship.

Relationship is not a source of worthiness. And this particular person is not your source of worthiness.

Do not ignore the red flags. They are flying high to give you a sense of what direction to take.

Explore what kind of parents raised you and heal your inner child. Understanding why you are where you are helps you to recognise what you can do to get to where you want to get to.

Heal for your relationships. Heal for your relationships.