Laying down arms in gender wars

Laying down arms in relationships

Relationships are about love not gender wars. Or you against your partner. Relationships are about you and your partner against the problem. Against trauma. Against everyday stressors.

In life and relationships, a healthy motto could to be , "us against the problems, not you against me!"

Healthy relationships and a healthy life, are built on the foundation of love and tolerance, not gender wars.

If you want to have a healthy relationship with another human being, then learn about human beings. Learn their wiring and what makes them tick. Choose your battles.

Understand yourself, manage yourself , value humanity , develop social awareness and relationship management skills. To communicate and engage with human beings. Protected by your boundaries.

If you wish to have a relationship with a man, get to know what you look for in a man, understand the wiring of men if different from yours, and then be prepared to screen amongst multitudes of men as you seek someone compatible.

If you wish to do relationship with a woman, be interested in understanding women, their wiring if different from your own. Be ready to invest in yourself, then screen amongst many to find someone compatible.

If you are to create a healthy relationship, it takes two. You bring your skills to the relationships. You bring respect and compassion and your companionship too. You bring your skills and your strengths, and your weaknesses too. Same as your partner.

Rather the gender war of "men are like this" or "women are like that", let us work on being the people we want to see in relationships. Let us also recognise that in each of us, unless addressed is a raging war. If each of us addresses their own, then somehow we might understand the other's and find common ground.

You cannot create a healthy relationship or situation with unhealthy views. Getting into relationships with a negative attitude towards people in general and the population group you wish to date specifically is akin to trying to get into a relationship with your enemy.

Do not treat human beings like enemies if you are a human being. Rather, understand duality, learn from yours and people's behaviours. Then, screen who you keep closer or date.

Remember, you take yourself, behaviours and attitudes into these relationships. If you have developed a habit of hate or denigration of the other sex or people, once you have run out of the general population to use as a punching bag, you will turn on your partner. Because, we are creatures of habit.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. It is what you might do about it that helps you improve your existence or stay stuck in cognitive distortions.

Simply work on yourself. Work on your mindset and your beliefs about yourself, people and thr world. We see the world as we are.

Be ready to invest in a relationship if you want commitment.

Be prepared to screen potential suitors instead of settling on someone you are not sure about.

Be prepared for uncertainty because you are dealing with another human being.

Be ready to address traumas, because you both have them.

Moreso, challenge your beliefs about yourself, about people and about the world.

Be prepared to step back and away if you are not on the same page.

Prepare also for the fact that, even if you meet and walk with someone for a while, your pages might change as you get to know each other. Where you assumed you were on the same page, you might end up noticing that things are not what they seem. The more you heal your traumas, the clearer things become.

Relationships are not ideally microwaved or fast tracked. While there are examples of people who fast tracked, there is a chance of rushing into a car crash.

Also, learn to take time as nature does. There is no rush. You might miss red flags in the rush!