It is the behaviour not the person

We must stop labelling people because they happen not to match what we are looking for. We need to remember that nobody owes us and we are responsible for our own happiness.

We are adults and our paths are difficult, moreso because of our trauma.

These people have their trauma too, and rather than judge them, we need to find out what is creating the dynamic, worsening it or enabling it.

Conflict escalates because of the contribution of both/all parties. Remove yourself or some behaviours from it, and you might minimse the impact.

So learn to find out what makes something better or worse in the situation and practice or remove it accordingly.

Perhaps it is the need to be right, or a selfishness that makes us intolerant that we have not considered.

Avoid calling them names because they cannot step up to meet your needs.

Everyone likes to know they are with someone who has standards, someone who is a challenge, someone who is the prize. We need to be these people with these qualities if we want to be chosen by those we love.

In the event that nothing improves, we can detach from expectations and blame and thank them for the time together and move on, which is in our power to do.

When we stay for too long in a place where our needs are not being met, or keep wanting to go back to people who are not good for us, we must remember we are choosing.

If people are not changing their behaviour, they are choosing. If people are choosing, and we have a problem with their choice, that becomes control.