It is not personal when a partner treats you badly

It becomes personal when you allow it!

If your partner is not doing what you want or what you are asking, they are choosing not to.

They might not know how to, or they might not want to. However, it still is not your responsibility to teach them how.

If you have made several requests without change, they are choosing. By putting pressure on them to change, you not only push them away even further, you also disconnect with yourself.

The very act of putting pressure on someone is like getting out of your house to fight with someone on the streets where it is dangerous, instead of focusing on how safe you might feel inside and alone, reflecting on how you can maintain that safety.

When you put pressure on another human being, you abandon yourself to force outcomes externally. You are trying to soothe from the outside, which does not work.

The very fact that your partner is doing something they know you do not like is an indication that they might not really care on a deeper level about what you think.

This is not them being cruel. It just means they do not know how to communicate how they are feeling. They might be trying to end the relationship the best way they know how - self-sabotage.

When your partner is not feeling good in the relationship, but do not possess conflict resolution strategies, they might employ their childhood survival tactics.

Your partner might be traumatised and unable to do or end relationship in a healthy way.

If a partner has not asked you to give them suggestions, do not give them lessons. If they ask for suggestions because they are struggling, do not be their therapist. Instead, guide them to resources; books, therapy or groups that can help them.

Let your partner choose from those options, what is best for them.

You are not responsible for parenting your partner, or they will stop respecting and valuing you. You are their equal, their mirror. Pay attention to what is in your mirror lest you continue to try too hard when it is not your place to do so.