Invest your time where you reap rewards

When you are struggling with someone's behaviour, attitude or how they show up, sometimes it is only because you are not feeling your feelings and therefore trying to control something. You might therefore look for a weaker target to force yourself on in order to feel some sense of relief.

People who bully others have this tendency.

The amount of time you spend scrutinising what other people are doing with their lives, could be spent on your goals.

Instead of trying too hard to be noticed, focus on trying hard in your exercise or a project.

The same energy you might exert criticising someone could be channelled towards fixing the parts of your life that require improvement. This person is obviously living their life and making their mistakes. Maybe they are learning or not learning from their mistakes (that is their journey). There is always something you can improve in your own life.

The same amount of time you might focus on trying to make someone change or do what you want could be best used to focus on your interests.

You might spend so much time to talking about someone, or paying attention to them, where you could write down your goals and journal. Or learn a language.

Sometimes you might find yourself defending a celebrity or someone you do not know very well, simply because you like them. This time could be focused on learning to accept that just because you like someone, it does not mean they are perfect. It also does not mean you know them enough. It also does not mean that you need to dislike them. It just means, what people think about anyone is none of your business. People do not need you to be uncomfortable on their behalf.

When you are hating someone for no reason, there is a part of yourself you are not liking very much. You are better off feeling your feelings and applying role reversal. You do not need to be friends with everyone. However, hate is too strong an emotion for a loving human.

If you constantly defend yourself against others , you could channel that effort on self-validation. People criticise parts of themselves they do not like in you.

When you find yourself criticising or judging others because of their backgrounds, their past or some behaviour, focus that time towards compassion for yourself and take the focus away from them.

Time spent trying to discredit another human being could be invested in increasing your credibility with yourself, doing what you love.

We all have the same 24 hours. Is yours spent on yourself and your business, or on others and their drama, mistakes and what they are doing in their lives? Meanwhile, what is your problem is the question you need to ask yourself? What are you afraid of confronting in your own life?

Dichotomy of control

Here is what you can do

Learn to prioritise yourself. To focus on yourself and your interests.

To find what you need to improve in yourself.

To avoid denying your feelings and confront them.

Learn to listen compassionately to your inner critic. Apply reframes. Learn to celebrate yourself.

To be your number one fan. To improve yourself. To choose for yourself.

There is so much of you that you are still to discover. Visit those places inside yourself instead of others and their own.