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If someone keeps coming and going as they wish

Updated: Nov 25, 2021

When you recognise that someone keeps coming and going as they wish, then you might be struggling to take control of your life through decision making.


There are a few scenarios where this happens.


1. You might be in a relationship with someone who is unpredictable. They might be hot and cold, and you might have a lot of anxiety due to the uncertainty their behaviour creates.


2. Perhaps you broke up with someone and you did not want the break up. They return and see you, maybe sleep with you then disappear. They might even be dating other people and they tell you.


Maybe you are in a casual relationship and you are hoping that things will change, and the situation leaves you feeling uncertain.


Here is what is happening here.


1. You need to take control of your life.

To know what you want.

To go for what you want and to manage and regulate yourself, so that you do not keep accepting breadcrumbs.


2. It is helpful to learn boundaries and to say no to your inner child. It is the child in you who craves instant gratification. This child would rather have crumbs of pleasure than go through short term pain.


3. Learn the art of decision making. Sit with your emotions and desires to be with someone no matter what. Parent yourself.


4. Learn to accept the discomfort of not having what you want. Learn to human and experience negative emotions for a period, and use them to create decisions in your best interest.


Sometimes in giving people space and experiencing that discomfort, the other person might recognise that they miss you and want you in their life.


5. Learn to release people if they are causing chaos through unpredictability and being inconsistent.


6. Make peace with being single. Embrace your aloneness for a while as you heal. This can help you to value your time, your own space and yourself as you appreciate that your worthiness is not attached to a relationship.


You need to take control of your life. Nobody can keep coming and going unless the door is open. Nobody can keep breaking your heart unless you keep giving yourself to them.


Their behaviour is feedback that they are not on the same page with you.

It is feedback that your boundaries need addressing, because they are porous..

So, when you keep holding on, you are just blocking the people on the same page waiting somewhere for you.


This is why you need to heal your inner child, to learn to prioritise yourself and to learn to let go of wrong matches early on.





 
 
 

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