Humour as a coping strategy

#selfhealersdiaries

Humour as a coping strategy

When parents constantly fight, criticise each other, disagree with each other, a child might pretend nothing is wrong.

The child might then try to distract one of the parents and entertain them.

The child might joke and smile to cheer up parents.

When this child grows up , in relationships she or he develops the full time job of joking and being cute to make people happy. They ignore anything wrong and cover it up with humour.

This grown up will cut off feelings to avoid fighting like their parents. They turn on the charm while being intellectual and joking about the situation.

This person, as a child sees themselves as the glue holding together warring parties. In their relationship, they control others to feel safe in themselves by averting hostilities with humour.

They also become hypersensitive to other people's feelings, anger and hostility. They time their charm to avert confrontations.

To break-up is too frightening and if they tuned in to their emotions,that would interfere with their charm. This strategy becomes automatic long term..

People who want to relate on a deeper level are turned off by this shallow way of relating. It only appeals to people who do not want to get to know someone on a deeper level.

It can be a challenge to commit to healing that encourages such people to let go of their humour as a coping strategy. This person is basically out of touch with reality, and might deny their own problems.

They might call themselves strong and will not give up their position without a fight. Feeling their feelings instead of joking is important.

As such people become self-honest and start to feel, and apply healthier coping mechanisms, they begin to feel safer.

They start to ask their inner critic questions.

They identify unmet needs.

They apply solutions.

They can parent themselves and apply healthy humour instead.