How to win in relationships

Your life is about you, not them. Taking responsibility, does not mean you are losing. Life and relationships are not a competition. Improve yourself, your side of things and see your life unfold.

It is easy to see that someone else is not making changes, because they are not doing what would make you feel good. However, it is equally difficult to notice that you are not changing your attitude towards people or this person who does not want to make the changes you want to see.

The total sum of this is denial and control. It indicates that you might not accepting that this person is not willing to change.

You might not be accepting that this person is different. That they might not be good for you. That they are choosing. Refusal to accept that they are doing what they choose for themselves comes from a place of control. Your need to control a partner might come from your struggle to control yourself or to have control in your own life. You might therefore attempt to find soothing in the changes others make.

It might sound and feel easy to pay attention to what someone else is doing wrong, instead of asking yourself why you are here, and then doing the work on yourself. This way it makes it easy to defer responsibility. Imagine if you are both wanting for the other to change, that spells a disaster.

You might avoid doing the work, because you believe that it is your partner not you who is the problem..

"Men do not like commitment nowadays." "Women are controlling." "Men are not honest" "You cannot trust anyone these days"

A few points to ponder.

Not everyone is meant for you. People come, people go except parents and children. Even they are on loan. Some people are passing by, and when they stop for a break, do not let them stay overnight or for months.

Everyone is flawed. Accept differences in a lover, without accepting inconsistencies and bad behaviour.

You can meet someone, but you need to be ready.

You need the right mindset to do relationship. To accept differences. To accept that you need to weed out wrong matches.

Trust and allow your partner to do what is best. Accept their best and consider if it works for you.

You need tools. Learn to be happy with or without a relationship.

When you are in this place where you do not attach relationship to your happiness, or attach things and people to your goals, you will not feel a need to put pressure on a lover to change or enable their bad behaviour.

Take the time to understand yourself first. When you get to know yourself, you avoid self-betrayal. Learn about why you are doing what you are doing. Look into your traumas.

Heal your inner child. Learn self-parenting and self-management tools. Let go of control.

Learn to live with appreciation for others and to express yourself to allow others to feel safe. Learn to read the life cycle of a relationship. Focus on quality of relationship not length of it .

Heal for your relationships