How relationships can turn into battlegrounds

How relationships turn into battlegrounds

Do not allow the situation to deteriorate to the point of verbal violence or hatred. This is how other forms of violence are born in your relationships.

Many times we are aware of the character of the person we are with and how dangerous their behaviour can be. We can also recognise the deterioration of a relationship through how we both show up, yet we continue.

If you meet someone who has anger issues, recognise that your safety is key. Your life is worth more than being in a relationship with this person.

You might notice that there is verbal violence.

They start with shouting at you.

This red flag is there from the start and this person's attitude and behaviour reflects the anger. It is helpful to recognise that this can escalate into physical violence. Even that verbal violence is distressful and unhealthy for you.

Whether it is you or your partner; when you notice many fights than healthy engagements; When you start to feel hatred not love;

When what you have is more war than peace, let go. It will not end well. It will end in tears, injuries or someone getting killed.

When someone pushes you once, recognise that is the beginning of physical violence. Rescue yourself before the second push. Report to authorities, leave.

If someone hits you, recognise that is how they start to train you as their punching bag. You too. Do not turn a partner into a punching bag.

Any physical violence needs to be reported to authorities.

If you do not leave and they do not seek support, or you do not seek help for your anger, recognise that this is going to be a battleground, not a relationship.

If you are with someone who is aggressive and you have failed to leave, which is very common, learn to detach and refrain from pushing for conversations. Avoid starting conversation when they are triggered or reactive. Give them space.

Learn to express yourself with feeling statements. Recognise when they no longer tolerate the conversation in an engaging way.

Let go of the need to be right. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. If someone is not respecting you, or meeting your needs, you do not need to keep trying to convince them.

Do not get used to being treated abusively. Do not allow yourself to get used to pain.

Bottom line is, you are engaging in a way that trigger their traumas. Their behaviour is not excusable, but your priority is to save your life.

Do not put yourself in a situation where you can be hurt, injured or killed. Crimes of passion are committed daily in situations where people are constantly at each other's throats.

Learn to parent yourself and choose what is best for a child you love. Do that for yourself.

Learn to be a parent who recognises the danger their child is in. It is not love when it does not include you.

You got to think what is so alluring in this situation where your life is in danger.

If you cannot regulate yourself to the point of throwing things and hitting another person, you are a danger to yourself and to others. Seek help.

When you find yourself focusing on the good moments, remember you are not in a safe place. These good moments do not last.

If your partner cannon regulate themselves, let them go to therapy. Truth is they need help not a relationship.

There are people out there , who , through no fault of their own require support, instead of being in a relationship with another person. If you meet one of them, do not put yourself in a situation that is regrettable or that others will wish they had warned you about, or extracted you from.

Or , if you are one of these traumatised people, seek support to heal instead of exposing someone else to your struggles and turning them into a punching bag.

You cannot fix anyone but yourself.