How do we stop loving too much?

To stop looking for love in the wrong places, we go back home to "mother!" We each have an inner parent to meet unmet needs, soothe anxiety and prioritise ourselves in order to stop loving as a reaction.

We identify our behaviours, attitudes and thoughts that push us to love too much.

We access the inner parent each time we are about to act in ways where we are loving too much! We ask "mother" for the love we did not get in our early days.

We learn to apply tools to detach, in order to stop giving to get. We love on three levels. Including ourselves in our love for others.

The SIFTSEM tool. Accessing the inner mother.

Accessing your inner mother to address triggers, life questions and situations. To love on three levels, so that our love for others includes us.

SIFTSEM ...Sensations, Images, Feelings, Thoughts, Soothing, Endorphin Release, and Meeting Unmet Needs.

A solution-focused emotional regulation and cognitive restructuring tool for managing triggers.

1. Trigger

2. Trigger score

3. Deep breathing

4. Pretriggers

5. S...Sensations

6. I..Images

7. F. Feelings

8. T..Thoughts

9. a) Root cause- Three to Five Whys b) Match answer with an unmet need.

Unmet needs.

Autonomy, Acceptance, Independence, Freedom, Attention, Love, Safety, Fun, Consistency, Respect, Peacefulness, Predictability, Being liked, Be needed, Being valued. Being right, Being treated fairly, Being in control. Feel included., To be understood, Love. New challenges, Order, Balance.

10. M..Meeting needs

Applying the dichotomy of control

a) Immediate solutions- Goal- Grounding

i) Soothing with five love languages and five senses. Hugs, rocking, words, calming smells,gratitude, deep breathing, Catharsis.

ii) Reframes - 1. Role Reversal 2. Thought Replacement

b) Short term solutions Goal- Improve emotional baseline. Minimise risk of triggers and reduce impact.

i. Love on three levels - You. Daily self-care with SIFTSEM to minimise and prevent triggers. Immediate circle. Greater good.

ii) Situation specific solutions.

c) Long term Goal - Quality life. Peeacefulness.

Manage, eliminate and minimise triggers or reduce impact.

i. Sustainability of routine and embedding tools in daily life.

1. Consistency with Love on three levels and self-care 2. Evaluate short term goals

11. Endorphin/ Cathartic shake

12. Trigger score

13. Journal

When you learn to parent, love and prioritise yourself you identify that :

1. It is not love when it does not include you.

2. You cannot give from an empty cup.

3. You can create healthy relationships if you love yourself first. You set a standard by which others love you.

4. You accept that people are with you for a reason and a season.

https://youtu.be/i7fCFPA0jUo