Healthy friendships

To develop genuine friendships and safe social spaces requires honesty and boundaries. If you are going to grow new friends or maintain your present circles, ensure there is discomfort on the journey.

Just like any relationships, your friendships are your training ground for triggers and relationship. Just like any relationships, there is give and take in your friendships. Healthy reciprocation.

There is humility and support, openness and genuine feedback. If your friends cannot tell you the truth of were you are messing up especially when it comes to your relationships, or something you might need to correct, they are not your friends.

If your friends do not respond to you, evaluate your friendship.

If your friends cannot appreciate what you do for them, evaluate your friendship.

If your friends do not invite you over or come to yours, evaluate your friendship.

If your friends talk about you behind your back rather than to your face, evaluate your friendships.

If your friends do not try to help you when you sometimes help them out, you have no friends.

Friends who gang up on you are not your friends. If they have something helpful to say to you, they sit you down and discuss.

If someone comes to you to ask for help, goes away and keeps getting into same patterns because they are not taking advice, stop supporting them. If you do, that is not only enabling, it is also an unhealthy need to be needed. People need to figure out where they are messing up and find solutions for themselves sometimes. They have the right to refuse your advice, but not to keep asking for it.

Be kind, but let your kindness include you first.

Do not keep a friendship going for the wrong reasons. Just like romance, your friendships need to be healthy.

In your circles watch out for situations when you start taking each other for granted. Familiarity leads to contempt when people lack appreciation. Boundaries get crossed and unrealistic or unfair expectations are created. Perhaps someone starts feeling entitled. Or you begin to speak to each other with no respect.

If you want your friends to appreciate you appreciate your friends back.

Again create boundaries and stop the pecks. If you have become the giver or taker, evaluate your place in the friendship and adjust accordingly or exit. Friendships, like any other relationships thrive on appreciation.

When you create boundaries in friendships sometimes people will get angry and call you mean. But it is ok. You need not lose yourself to get approval from anyone.

Not agreeing in friendships is healthy and needs to be approached to create learning conversations.

Awareness of roles is key. "What I am I contributing to this dynamic to make it work or break. Avoiding people because you do not agree is a trauma response, unless they are not allowing growth."

You also need to appreciate other people's boundaries and where you might be taking advantage. Rather than continue to serve your agenda, be reflective and learn. Learning does not mean to say you agree with everything that is being said. People pleasing can be a hazardous symptom in friendships, to make the peace.

Learning simply means recognising the lessons , be they how to express yourself without bleeding on others, or something you need to learn about the feedback.