Healing does not mean you will not make mistakes

Healing does not mean you will not make mistakes, it just means you will recognise when you have made any and learn rather than keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, on a regular basis. They are simply familiarising themselves with their patterns, positive or unhealthy, and learning to leverage their strength to improve their lives daily.  With use of tools, those who are healing start to recognise their main triggers, and how they show up. Recognising bodily sensations associated with the triggers helps individuals to either pause and trigger deep breathing , or to notice the self-betrayal of reacting when the sensations have shifted.  When people notice their sensations associated with certain triggers, they can manage and regulate themselves without reacting. Self-soothing is a beneficial skill to prevent and manage reactions.  A person who is triggered might act out due to lack of self-control, from either pre-triggers such as lack of tools,  self-care deficit, or while still learning to apply tools. This person might recognise post trigger how uncomfortable it feels to act in a way they did. They can proceed to revisit the event and parent and soothe the self and create solutions to minimise self-betrayal. The more objective evaluation exercises a person  repeats daily , feeling their feelings and creating solutions,  and changing behaviour,  the more aware of their triggers and self-protective behaviours.   Consequently,  with application of solutions,  someone might start to consciously shift their focus post trigger, and apply healthy solutions and interventions.  The first and foremost recommendation to changing behaviour is to intentionally stop doing what is not helping. The feelings will follow. Intentional behaviour change is a decision. This is something that cannot be done by someone else for anyone. The decision,  however,  comes with sitting with patterns of behaviour and evaluating them daily. This is similar to sitting with a parent and discussing consequences.  Understanding the impact or chaos unhealthy patterns cause in life is pivotal to change of behaviour.  Chaos does not help the quality of life. Additionally, some behaviours are abusive towards others. With time and practice, one might initially notice their behaviour and the need to change. They might start with small behaviours, or attitudes, or just noticing their thoughts. Repeated daily,  it becomes easy to detach when triggered and it also feels good.  If someone reacts, they might apologise to the person they reacted at, but moreso to the self for allowing the inner child to take control. They can then frequently monitor how they show up in the next days.  The idea is to create weekly goals..

Work on detaching to manage one behaviour weely.  

Practice the self-care routine which includes meditation, gratitude, affirmations, cathartic shake, deep breathing, self-hugs, laughter and setting an intention every morning. Include physical exercise.

Recognise and remove your weakness or a pattern than can lead to default.

Set an intention to change behaviour.  Put affirmations and reminders around the house or car. 

Let go of trying to fix anything in the days you are trying to change your behaviour. Let things go. Segment intend throughout the day.  Accountability is key.  SIFTSEM and journal, and add an evaluation of intention at the end of SIFTSEM,  as well as an evaluation of previous SIFTSEM before the new one.  There are days when anyone , even the most conscious of people will human. However, the reactions or shortcomings will provide lessons, rather than being turned into, " This is the way I am!" No, it is not. It is learned behaviour.  The idea is to learn and do the opposite.