Healing attachment trauma

People ask , can you heal your attachment? What characterises attachment style is a set of behaviours, attitudes due to underlying beliefs from trauma and conditioning. To heal your attachment style requires that you understand your mindset and the origins, your behaviours and how you feel and think in each moment. Healing attachment is simply about parenting your inner child. Explore the type of parents who raised you, to understand where you are, in relationship to where you want to be.

Characteristics of attachment

1. Safe Haven To rely on yourself for comfort at times when you feels threatened, frightened or in danger. 2. Secure Base Build a consistent, loving and reliable foundation to for yourself as you learn and sort out things by yourself at the same time. Make decisions in your best interest. 3. Proximity Maintenance You explore the world but still maintain your sense of self. As a child, you needed to be close to your care giver. But as an adult, you need that proximity with your adult version. 4. Separation Distress You will feel unhappy and sorrowful when you becomes separated from yourself. This is why you need to heal your attachment. You needed a consistent, loving and attentive parent who understood you. A parent who was interested in you and also checked in and ensured they followed through. Then commit to healing and a self-care routine, by being consistent, disciplined, seeking accountability and evaluating yourself. You needed to come back to a safe home where someone cared, and you would express yourself. You needed someone who would guide you and ensure you just did not roam the world without supervision, or with too much restriction. Then create a safe space in yourself and develop compassion for yourself. Hold space for yourself when you struggle. Guide yourself through tuning in to your intuition and asking for help in the right spaces. Come back home to a safe space in yourself, instead of trying too hard to find love, to convince people to see you, to argue with people and fight with them. Allow yourself the freedom to choose the best decisions that are helpful for you. But remember, freedom has a prize if you make wrong decisions. You needed someone who would listen. Parents who let you express yourself. Adults you could trust to adhere to their promises. People who were respectful to you, and respectable in your eyes because of how they treated you according to their values. Be congruent and match your values and actions. Avoid self-betrayal and address your weaknesses or shadow. Be honest with yourself. Respect yourself and do not attach to anything that is not aligned with your values. Detach and learn to avoid pressure. When you no longer attach romance to happiness, you are healing attachment wounds. When you are OK whether it happens or it does not, you are on the mend. When you let go of wrong matches, you are healing. It takes courage, time and work, and mindset to heal your attachment. From observations of people's behaviour and the stories about healing modalities and approaches, you need to address all four dimensions of existence.The whole person is social, physical, psychological and spiritual. Healing therefore needs to incorporate all these dimensions in stages. From observation, and co-parenting experience, people require a period

of intensive support to school themselves on self-parenting on three levels. If you have been struggling for a long time, seek a support group and also therapy or counselling. Search for grounding tools. Look for inner child work that address a whole life. It is helpful to have up to 6 months of intensive work, then scale down to semi-intensive work while weaning off in a co-parenting environment. People require tools to apply daily, as well as learning self evaluation and replanning. Additionally, to commit and change behaviour requires accountability. 1. Get into a daily routine of self-care with SIFTSEM for self-parenting and grounding when doing inner child work. 2. Start inner child work and use SIFTSEM for parenting and for daily questions and triggers. After around 5 months of inner child work, healers can be weaned off gradually What are the barriers? Therapy is expensive and is mainly a weekly session, support is not available daily, and some modalities do not provide tools to take home. Not all therapy or counselling or healing modalities address all dimensions of existence. There are other modalities that tend to be more social than psychological, and others more spiritual centred and bypass emotions. When it comes to self-parenting, many people are not keen to invest half a year of their lives on healing. For some, it takes away the time they require for important areas of their life. We all have our reasons, but the truth is, when you are ready, you will not have a reason not to. If you are dating, you could put dating on hold to invest in tools. If you are in a relationship that is challenging, detach and put focus on yourself and reset your relationship. Hope you will be following this blog in the next fee days for more tips.