Habits I am breaking up with

As I seek alignment within , there are some habits I am breaking up with.

1. Talking about people behind their backs unless it is to discuss an idea, to solve a problem or find a way to support them.

2. Blaming anyone for how I feel. I am recognising that I am the one feeling those feelings from how I am perceiving the situation.

3. Asking people to tell me what I want to hear. When people take their time to be with me and to hold space, I cannot write a script for what they say to me..I might as well say it to myself.

4. Soliciting appreciation and love from people. People are free to choose whether they feel impacted by what I do or not.

5. Trying to convince people to change their habits constantly. I have come to realise that I need to change my attitude towards this attitude. I can share, recommend and inspire, but I cannot force , control or enable. People's choices are outside my jurisdiction.

6. Self-betrayal. I am not perfect, but I am learning to hold myself accountable especially for love on three levels and my self-care.

7. Seeing a war in every situation. This comes from looking at facial expressions and voice tone as a way of trying to seek approval or acceptance. While communication is not 100% verbal, I am learning that their non-verbal cues might have nothing to do with the present conversation.

I can get into conversation with someone who might not be present in the conversation. They might have their own unfinished story that is still in progress from a previous encounter.

This story might lead to some facial expressions, a tone of voice and body language that I might assume to be directed at me, when it is not. I will stick to the mostly clear verbal communication and action. Even then, a tone of voice or facial expression does not equate to kindness and compassion. People show kindness in their aligned actions.

8. Entitlement or feeling that people owe me kindness or empathy. I owe these to myself. People are fighting their own battles. They might not even have the capacity to offer themselves any of that kindness, let alone me.

9. Taking anyone for granted. I am learning that when people make an effort to see me, hear me and acknowledge me, I need to appreciate them. I am equally learning that each individual I come across matters.

10. Relinquishing my freedom. I cannot be me when I allow people to limit my freedom and choices.

11. Not allowing people to continue their journeys. I no longer hold anyone hostage, or pin them down to stay with " I love yous", or " we are so good togethers." We each have our journeys. We meet for a reason, a season. We have cooperative components being gathered to fulfil our dreams. I might have done my bit for some people and they need to get to the next section where another lot of people will take over.

12. Self pity and guilting people to do what I want for me to feel good. "If you speak to me like this I feel better" is manipulation. I have learnt that I need resources to regulate how I receive their message. After all Marcus Aurelius taught us, " It is not what happens, but your perception of it, that affects you!"

13. Expecting miracles. I create with my thoughts. That is where the miracles come from. If I am betraying myself with negative thoughts, I cannot expect all that I want to come into my life when I am not in receiving mode. I cannot expect happiness when I am using negative language and lashing out at others. I am learning reframes to shift my outcomes.

14. Drama. I am learning to surrender and not try to make something happen, in subtle and obvious ways. If someone or something triggers me, I own my experience, objectively evaluate my situation, self-parent, create solutions, and move on to something that feels good.

15. Resisting what happens. I am learning to accept what is, to self-regulate and trust the process. Be in the moment. Things are always working out.

16. The need to impress. As long as I do my best, with kindness and it gives me peace of mind, I am impressed. Stop doing things for people to be impressed. People have their problems and lives to live.

17. Attaching things or people to my happiness. Things and people can only make me happier if I am already happy. You need to make your own happy.

18. Complaining

If there is one attribute that can keep me stuck is filtering and noticing what is wrong and focusing on it. It is normal to judge what is going on for decision-making. Yet, it is another thing to stay on the problem.

It is a waste of time and unfair to expect that people will be as I want them. I am not as everyone wants me. I cannot and will not be able to be and do as everyone expects me. I can do the best I can to be kind.