Gravitating towards bad boys or feisty girls

If you find yourself attracted to bad boys who you know to have unhealthy patterns, or who tell you they sleep around, or whom you notice to treat other women badly,

Or you gravitate towards feisty girls who have unhealthy attitudes and patterns, then you need to explore your childhood and attachment trauma.

It is helpful to understand that these people do not behave as they do intentionally. Yes they might know what they might be doing, and that it is wrong, but underneath it all, these are protective patterns. These people learnt this in childhood in order to protect themselves and they have not matured from those behaviours and attitudes. Basically their emotional age is most likely under 18.

For this reason it is mostly important that you also understand why you might want to stay around such people. Remember, people you meet who are struggling, are also showing you your own traumas, if you stay with them.

Having had someone tell you that they are a bad boy or that they have unhealthy habits, your healthy decision-making would prompt you to run or let them go. If then you are choosing to stick around to see what happens, this is an indication of your own trauma.

When you accept or try to get into a relationship with a bad boy or someone who you know to have unhealthy habits in relationships or in life in general, that can indicate that you feel you can fix them or change them into a healthy behaving person. This is called fixing mode which stems from control tendencies.

You are highly likely addicted to chaos, and will trigger this in such a relationship to help you to feel alive. When you meet and accept people who have unhealthy patterns, it is because you are trying to find someone who will help you to fix something in your parents from childhood.