Give your partner something to love about you?

When you think about getting into a relationship, consider the qualities of the person you want to be with. Align with that which you seek and become it. What do you think your partner wants? Do they want a parent who tells them what to do, a child to tell what to do, or to live in chaos constantly fighting with someone? Look into these qualities if you want a peaceful life in a relationship. You set the example of what relationship you want. You are in a position to create what you want in a relationship, and to refuse to get into something that does not align with your values. 1. Learn to be the person you want to date. Love yourself enough to set an example of how you want to be loved.

It is not that you need to expect a partner to be ripe and ready. It is that you need to explore healing and develop your character. Learn relationship management skills including team work, collaboration, engagement, conflict resolution, change management, inspiration and influence. 2. When you meet someone, imagine yourself in their shoes. What kind of person do you think they want to be with for life.

3. Take a step back and imagine the best attributes that promote healthy and possibly lasting relationship. Your partner wants someone to have a fun filled life with. Learn to be in the moment. To enjoy the present and have fun from moment to moment. Detach from outcomes and recognise that the only time you have is now. Invest in yourself and recognise that you both have the freedom to choose what feels good to you. It is more interesting and fun to be with someone who chooses you because they want to, not because of pressure. 4. Develop awareness of what does not help the quality of life and relationship. Your partner does not want a constant state of chaos. Develop boundaries and refuse to get into a relationship with someone you need to fix or someone who lacks respect for boundaries. a. Putting pressure on a partner is not going to help your relationship.

b. Neediness and frequent need for validation outside yourself is going to put pressure on the relationship.

c. Not allowing space is going to push someone away because it is a sign of neediness. 5. Invest in yourself and allow space.

a. Take the time to learn self-care and learn the value of love on three levels.

b. Learn to be self-reliant and interdependent with your second and third levels.

c.Take the time away from your relationship to avoid pressure.

d. Spend time with your circle outside the relationship. Go away alone and sometimes with your partner too. 6. Parent your inner child and avoid chaos. One self-sabotage behaviour that you need to be aware of is addiction to chaos. Evaluating everything from the perspective of your trauma, reading into situations, and adding your story to every situation can damage your relationships. That will lead to dysfunctional conflict, constant need for validation, throwing tantrums, making demands on a partner who needs to jump through the hoops at all times to soothe you. Over time, this person might get tired of being a parent.

6. Do not fear losing your partner. Allow your partner and yourself time together and time apart. Nurture your relationship, but do not stifle it. Allow your partner to do what is best for them in the relationship. Do not fear losing your partner. Set them free and they might continue to choose you.. If you fear losing them, people have a tendency to take for granted anyone who seeks too desperate for them. Let no one feel as if you cannot live without them. 7. Trust the process When you have learnt to trust the process, you develop awareness that you are in the right place. You do not need to push against anyone or anything. You trust your partner to do what they can. You trust yourself to act in your best interest. If you let go, the process will lead you to places where you will find satisfaction and contentment. Recognise that everyone looking for a relationship, probably wants a peaceful life with someone they care about.