Friends with an ex

There are no right or wrong answers for friendship with an ex, but timing is important.

In the early stages of a break up, it can be helpful to go no contact, and to explore healing intentionally.

Later on, when you do not have strong feelings for each other, you might explore friendship. Ensure none of you has ab ulterior motive to avoid getting hurt.

Before you choose your ex as a friend, ask yourself why they are the best candidate for the role. Intention is important. Additionally, it is helpful to gravitate towards circles that are safe for your inner child.

If you are in a relationship, it also helps to recognise boundaries and how your friendships sit with the present relationship. If there are issues of jealous and insecurity, that might need addressing to prevent control issues from your partner.

Your partner and their ex

If your partner is friends with an ex, there is nothing you can do about that unless you feel that their friendship is affecting your relationship.

It might feel uncomfortable, especially if they were with the ex they are friends with just before your relationship.

If your partner's friendship with an ex is a dealbreaker, first be curious, and ask why this particular friendship is important to your partner.

If you have enquired about their friendship, and you do not feel satisfied with their choice of friends, you cannot force them to abandon their friends. You can choose yourself and leave.

If you make the decision to stay, then let it go. Do not stay because you see your partner's potential. Or because you hope they will change.

Stay because you feel good in the relationship.

You are the only person you can control!

What helps is to heal your jealousy and anchor yourself in who you are.

Detach from outcomes.

After all, your partner is free to choose their friends. If your relationship is stable, you would normally not need to worry about who your partner hangs out with. If they mess up, they lose a great person.