Found what you were looking for on the phone?

Snooped on a partners phone and they are cheating

In a situation where you have checked a partner's phone and found out he or she is cheating on you, it is helpful to learn priorities.

Before you checked the phone, you obviously did not trust him or her, unless you were given the phone and a message came through while using it.

If you check someone else's phone without permission, expect consequences.

It is logical to own your experience amd apologise for snooping.

While at that it is equally logical to leave a betraying partner without negotiating for now. It is helpful to focus on what you found on the phone and act on it. After all you were looking for truth!

That you checked the phone is no longer the issue or priority for you. Only for your partner and the relationship yes. But for now, it is logical to assume the relationship is on hold. For you, what you found on the phone is noe more important to act on than violating their privacy. At some point in your relationship, you get to a place where you both have different priorities. This is one of those points.

On the scale of justice, there is no right or wrong here. Yet, if your partner does not own his or her mistakes, and focuses attention on your snooping, rather than try to discuss what he or she did, then you have definitely reached an impasse.

The bottom line is this; once you find out what you set out looking for, act on it. Simple. That is now your priority.

When you start to question whether you did the right thing, you are falling in the trap of self-doubt. In this kind of situation, you can fall into a trap of allowing bad behaviour because someone keeps bringing up your own faults.

While both of you need to own up, you equally both have a reason to leave. Yet, your partner was doing something outside the relationship already before this confrontation.

This does not in any way justify snooping on a partner. If you feel the need to check their phone, it is best to leave. You obviously had a reason to check their phone, rooted in lack of trust, and that is enough to take action to leave a relationship.

If you have to work on the relationship, ensure you foremost address your insecurities. Recognise and work on abusive behaviours that stem from mistrust.

Equally, it is helpful to avoid a reconnection until they own and address their infidelity. It helps to listen to the reason why they stepped outside the relationship instead of communicating or leaving. Infidelity is a symptom of relationship problems and poor communication.