Fixing your relationship issues

Fixing your relationship issues Today, I invite you to take an inventory of your relationship situation. Assessment. Be honest with yourself. Accept and acknowledge the dynamic. What is working well? Do it more. Especially if it is for you. Or for the relationship. What is causing problems in your relationship? Is one of you constantly seeking reassurance? If it is you, then try to back off and focus in yourself. That would be top much pressure on another human being. Pressure makes them feel as if they cannot choose freely. Invest in your self-care. Develop a morning and night self-care routine. Start with healing your inner child. Consider the type of parents who raised you. This helps you to recognise your unmet needs. Parent yourself. Tap into your emotions and create solutions. The reason why we struggle in life and relationship comes from a denial or lack of acknowledgement of emotions. They are your guide system. Use emotions to create solutions. Look back to childhood and consider creativity you had shelved. Do something creative you love daily. Even together with children, if any. Have a circle to share interests with. Offer your services to others in need. If it is your partner who is clingy, then consider your values. Continue to invest in yourself. Encourage them to do the same. Set yourself a timelime and if nothing changes, exit. You are in a controlling situation. 2. How are you addressing conflict? Many relationships are a battle ground because of lack of healthy conflict resolution strategy. Take responsibility for initiating the start of conflict resolution hour weekly, in your relationship. Learn to detach when things go wrong. Parent and soothe yourself. You can wait until the resolution hour. This helps you to practice patience, priority and choosing your battles. Avoid over the phone or text wars. Wait to discuss in person. Meanwhile, as you wait, parent yourself and live your life. Do not avoid conflict, but also avoid bleeding. 3. Do you appreciate each other ? It might be hard or difficult to appreciate someone when you feel wronged, but this is your internal battle. If you want to continue living with someone, you can learn to appreciate them and get along. Otherwise, end the relationship Conflict escalates due to lack of appreciation. When things are working well, acknowledge them. When they are not, you can also start with acknowledging what is working first. Then acknowledge what needs to be resolved. This promotes an audience in your partner. 4. Do you have a life? As mentioned in 1., above, you need a life, to avoid fixating on a romantic relationship. Trying to find out how much they love you, or when they will propose or move things forward, or accept your proposal, instead of focusing on how you feel about yourself will put pressure on your partner. Live your life and allow your partner to choose. If you are the one who initiated something to progress the relationship, or you are waiting, give yourself a timelime. You. Not them. You obviously communicated, and you cannot keep convincing. They are choosing. 5. Recognise what abuse means Abuse starts in a subtle way in relationships. Making demands, forcing instant responses, ordering who they talk to, what they wear, who they call and what they eat. Controlling where they go and questioning their choices. Repeated, these behaviours constitute abuse, and can escalate into shouting, threats, hitting and even injury or death. Recognise when you are out of order, out of control and you are acting from entitlement. A partner owes you nothing. Remember that. Or there would be no divorce or break up. 6. Expressing yourself. Learn to hold on to your values and to express your needs. However, you can only honour yourself and make requests. Recognise that your partner is under no obligation to do what you ask. They are free to choose. In situations that are obvious, such as consistency, communication, honesty and trust and progression of your relationship, if you agreed to commit, recognise that you have no need to tell someone what to do. People know what they are supposed to do in a relationship. If they are not doing it, it is a choice. 7. Love languages Learn about attachment theory, codependency, the dark side and love languages. Understanding your partner's and your own behaviour can help you to understand your relationship. Equally, take an inventory of the dynamic and work on your behaviours. Do not try to change your partner. Inspire with boundaries and how you show up. 7. Boundaries Adhering to your values is essential. Learn to detach from outcomes. Allow your partner the freedom to choose, just as you are choosing to self-care and make yourself happy. Behave with self respect and dignity. Do not engage in battles to prove yourself. You have nothing to prove. You are worthy and you are enough. If they cannot see it, then they are just one of the many doors along your path. Let it close. 8. Let go When you enjoy the freedom to choose what is best for you, you respect the freedom of others too. When you learn the dichotomy of control, you focus on that which is in your control, and let all else be the task of the universe. Trust and allow a partner to choose and do what is best for them. Trust that the universe keeps giving you the best. Things are always working out. If you detach and Let go of control, let go of your self-sabotage patterns, let go of the need to know, to make it happen, things will unfold as they will. The right person will stay, and anyone you were holding down will slip away. Accept that as the best You never had control of them anyway. Before you go to bed every night, reflect on what you have done for your relationships. Make changes. Use SIFTSEM daily to parent and soothe yourself.