Feel your feelings. Feed your hunger

There is a powerful use of feeling your feelings that you might miss out on before you heal. Or as you heal. Your feelings are an important part of humaning. They carry messages that trigger your actions.

It is therefore to accept the two sides of the stick of your feelings - both negative and positive, instead of focusing on positive only.

Apply your feelings for decision making.

When you feel our feelings, and you do not treat them as a threat or as enemies, you can learn to practice objective evaluation. This means that you sit with the comfort or discomfort and experience the moment.

You name your Sensations, Images, Feelings and thoughts. You might need to curiously explore why you feel the discomfort and even the comfort.

From your root cause of discomfort, you might decide what action to take that is in your best interest.

From your positive emotions, you might learn what brings you peace and contentment, and then look for and tune in to this when you need balance. From the actions triggered by your emotions, character is built.

Focusing on enjoyment or positives only, is not likely to lead to lessons that help you to understand yourself, and to know what you want.

In order to practice unconditional peacefulness, negative emotions require solutions to the problems, rather than dwelling on problems.

Therein lies the secret of objective evaluation.

So, when we have sat with emotions, here is where the difference between objective evaluation and reactions might be noticeable. Bear in mind reactions do not have to involve an argument with another person. Reactions start with arguing with yourself ;

Then and now :

There is freedom in understanding that what I feel about what others are doing has nothing to do with others. It is a self-argument, also known as a reaction. Reactions do not necessarily involve others. They are an inner war. A kettle boiling within. An eruption. An event that is leading to a show down. Sometimes others see it, sometimes they do not.

Freedom for me has been a decision to ask MYSELF this question, "Why am I feeling this way?"

Instead of this question, " Why are you/ they doing this?"

"Why am I feeling this way?" Instead of, " I do not like what you/they are doing?"

"Why am I feeling this way?" Instead of " Look at what you/ they are doing?"

Freedom is understanding that I am the feeler of my feelings and the thinker of my thoughts sad the decider of my actions from these thoughts and feelings of mine. Not yours, not anyone else's. Mine!

Once upon time, so much time would be spent looking for a passive-aggresive quote in order to send a message to someone. Now, these messages are sent to the self. There is nobody to convince to change behaviour for mines benefit out there. Interventions include soothing the self and journaling. Quotes can be found, read ti understand meaning and affirm the meaning for one's benefit. Shared for learning, not posted for a person.

Rejection was a major challenge associated with control. This involved wanting others to agree, not wanting others to choose differently, not accepting those who do not agree with same. Not that there has to be agreement with everyone and everything, but reactions are no longer an intervention where differences are involved.

Sharing problems with anyone who cared to listen was self-avoidance, to avoid self-reflection and looking for someone to agree with one's dysfunction. Now, self-parenting is a priority to own one's experience and recognise the lessons, and journal. Objective evaluation also leads to a decision for support on the second and third level.

Complaining, judgementalism and criticism of others used to be an excuse to feel better than others. These days, those feelings are managed with role reversal and thought replacement. Nobody is better than anybody. We just do things differently.

To avoid the self, there would be a frequent post of 27 edited photos with different poses for attention . Now, it is rare to take a photo. There is solace in looking at the photos within, that nobody else can see. Edits are on the inside, followed with journaling and writing.

Body goals used to be a go to place for worthiness. Looking good was a way to look down on others. Nowadays, body goals include exercising and weight loss for health and well-being, not for comparison.

Use of logic to write some great sounding judgemental message would still not erase feelings of despair. Today, this black and white thinking is managed with self-parenting, reframes, and writing mostly when inspired.

Relationships, grades, possessions, children's achievements and work used to be a source of worthiness. Now, there is nothing to prove.

Caring so much about what people say would lead to convincing, explaining and arguing non-stop. Recognising the need to be understood has helped with paying attention to understanding the self and acting with unconditional positive self-regard.

Constantly talking about the ex and how terrible they are to leave was a blame tactic to avoid responsibility. Were a break-up to happen now, owning one's experience and appreciation of an ex's role and wishing them well is a powerful decision. Connecting with an inner circle and the greater good takes attention away from just one person amongst so many in the world.

Going into self-destruct mode with grief, and holding grudges, was a way of avoiding emotions. Nowadays, there is an understanding that grief needs to be addressed with self-parenting and support. That people to be allowed to think and do as they wish without resentment. But without taking responsibility for their behaviour either. It is important to have compassion for one's inner child.

Due to the need to be in control and fallacy of fairness, anger was a major challenge. These days, there are only traces of annoyance mainly. Even then, following a quick bodily scan , the awareness of where one's control lies helps to apply soothing reframes. Additionally, what helps is a carthartic jog and weight-lifting to release endorphins.

There are so many coping behaviours out there which have not served me and many others.

That is because of avoiding emotions and not reflecting on behaviours.

Learning to sit with your emotions is a life saver. Tune in to your emotions, and parent yourself like a loving mother would do. Rather than create permanent damage from emotions, understand that they pass. Just address them. Your feelings demonstrate psychological hunger. Once fed, they pass.