Factors influencing mindset

There are mindsets which may interfere with our healing The key issue is toxic shame which manifests in other ways including perfectionism and victim mindset. Toxic shame differs from ordinary shame in that Toxic shame revolves around all or nothing thinking. If it happens once, it will happen again. You feel worthless when other people treat you poorly. You turn that treatment into a belief about yourself. This starts with criticism from parents, teachers, and other adults about you in your childhood or teens. You might get into adulthood having internalised this message. Results Black and white thinking. Believe you cannot change or improve. You are unlucky others are lucky Worry what others say or think about you, you follow the crowd. You also might have anger in response to shame triggers. Remember, your worthiness is not dependent on what people say. Work on self-love. Make decisions that help you to develop a belief in yourself. Parent your shame triggers. Perfectionism Toxic shame can lead to procrastination, defensiveness, perfectionism, and other self-sabotaging patterns. You try too hard. You start and stop until the "right time". Fear of failure. Procrastination due to fear getting it wrong. Or to avoid shame of failure. You might not want to look anything but perfect. Remember, nobody is perfect Failure is a learning point. Ask for help Victim mindset The belief that the world is against you. Constant negative self-talk. Learned helplessness. Believe you are a victim of the actions of others, even though that might not be the case. You focus on problems and labels. You feel pleasure when you receive attention or pity as a result of your misfortune. Make up stories about misfortunes. Get a perverse thrill from showing off misfortunes caused by others and to create sense of guilt. Refuse to accept responsibility for any problem. Blame others for anything that happens in your life. Do not seek support or implement solutions you ask for. Believe bad things happen and will keep happening. Believe that any efforts to create change will fail, there is no point in trying. Feel frustrated and angry with the world you believe to be against you. Feel hopeless about your never changing circumstances. Feel hurt when you believe others do nor care. Resentful of people who seem to be successful and happy or those who have what you do not have.