Entitlement

We might assign roles to others such as wanting them to:

"Make us feel less anxious through changed behaviour!" "To listen to us more!" "To understand what we are going through!" "To do better by us knowing what we have been through!"

"To be nicer to us!"

When we come into interactions with entitlement, we might believe our trauma to be more important than theirs. We might act as if we are deserving of more understanding than they do. We might assume that we need to be listened to more than they do. We behave as if they have to drop everything to attend to our every need. Others need to focus on us and how we feel.

Yet, these people are also going through their inner stuff.

▪︎ Wanting someone to listen to them. ▪︎Needing to be understood. ▪︎They require someone to do better by them knowing what they have gone through.

▪︎They can support us in a way they can.

Even if they might have been raised in a healthy functional household, or they have dealt with their stuff, or they appear strong, they are still human and require parenting and support every day. There is no human being under the sun who does not want to be seen, understood, acknowledged and loved for who they are. Everyone has their limits.

Yes, we have a voice and need to be heard. But are we addressing the right audience? Are we listening to ourselves first? Are we speaking up to us, so we can do what needs to be done for us?

Because when we do, we recognise that it is an investment, requiring readiness, willingness and regulation. We are entitled to attend to our every individual struggle and then ask for help. Without expecting that others have to be available to us without choosing. And others are needing that for themselves when we want them to do it for us. Or they do not have the capacity to accommodate us when we need them. We can ask, but allow them to choose. If we ask from a regulated place, we are likely to get responses, rather than reactions and resentment.

We all require self-care, just like food. We need to eat daily on demand. Such is the nature of self-care. As long as each individual lives, there is possibility of being traumatised. So, we all benefit from creating and maintaining a healthy environment.

This means, the person we believe to be less traumatised or to be responsible for making us happy needs to manage their environment and keep it safe for themselves.

So, before we assume that we are the more deserving of empathy, we also need to reflect on whether we might be trying to pull down someone to drown with us. This is the reason why people run away from us sometimes. They are just trying to rescue themselves from our entitlement.