Emotional intelligence to minimise loving too much

When you love too much you need tools to change your relationship outcomes. This comes with changing your approach to relationships. Develop emotional intelligence to heal your relationships. Here are the components and what might benefit you.

Self-awareness Develop awareness that you love too much. Identify the behaviours associated with loving too much.

1. Overfunctioning 2. Over explaining 3. Giving to get 4. Fixing. 5. Getting into the space.

Self-management

Any healthy relating human needs to be able to manage themselves. The dichotomy of control is important to heal your relationships and ensure peacefulness. Focus on what you can control. Learn to manage thoughts, feelings, decision-making, actions, opinions and choices.

Tools

Tools for emotional self-control which in turn help you to improve choices. Apply tools such as Love on Three Levels for direction on how to put focus on your life where it belongs. Love yourself first and invest your self-relationship. Ask for help where you require support. Invest in all other relationships in the village. Romance is not the only relationship.

Apply self-care and SIFTSEM for emotional regulation , root cause analysis and creating solutions when you have the urge to take action that is not in your best interest.

Be inspired to do better and to be the partner you want to be with.

Emotional self-control involves adaptability to changing situations. You can only adapt easily if you have a foundation on which you are anchored. Anchor yourself in your self-relationship. Self-relationship is developed by knowing yourself and loving yourself and, having the tools to self-care and manage uncertainty.

Managing specific behaviours

1. Over explain to yourself in a journal. You have no need to convince anyone that you are a great lover who is loveable.

2. Fix yourself.

There is so much of your life to work on.

Avoid thinking you know what is best for a partner.

3. Overfunction by applying tools to better your life.

4. Give yourself the love you think others need. You need it.

5. Trust and allow others to get into the space. You have enough work to heal yourself.

Motivation Know your why. Your why in life is not about another person. Your why ideally needs to be about achieving happiness and your peacefulness.

Be inspired to want the best life for yourself. Be inspired to be happy from the inside-out.

Empathy As you develop your self-relationship through self-awareness, and you buy tranquility through emotional self-control, you understand the importance of your freedom and independence. You will in turn understand the importance of the freedom and independence of others, and you respect their feelings.

Empathy helps you to understand the emotional currents of your relationships. Your own approach to challenges as well as your partner's. Understanding others as well as yourself helps you to manage conflict , and to prevent dysfunctional conflict.

Empathy is pivotal to avoid forcing outcomes. You will not push against anyone and anything if you have empathy. Empathy is based on self-compassion. You also do not let anyone push against you, because you have boundaries.

Social skills Through your love of self and others you will collaborate instead of focusing on only your wants, or trying to control others.

Team work becomes essential in your relationship to ensure peacefulness. You find ways to minimise unnecessary conflict and manage any conflict in your relationships. You do not strive to win or to fix or appease. You anchor yourself in your boundaries.

You become an agent of change and growth in your relationship.

Influence where possible, without manipulation. Do not force your opinion or wants on a partner.

A component of relationships is inspiration. A person who loves themselves will not force outcomes, but inspire a partner through appreciation and vulnerability. Identifying the best time to approach a partner to broach issues is key. You approach your partner with respect and kindness .

Noticing when you are stepping into the space, and then stepping back , will allow your partner to do what is best for the relationship.

Detachment is important for people that love too much. You are going to need to learn to trust that your partner or other people know what is best for them. It does not fall on you to fix.

If someone broke up with you, accept that they know what is best for the relationship. What you need to learn is to love yourself enough to value your freedom of choice, while allowing others that same privilege.

Entitlement needs to be laid to rest. "A partner should do 1 2 3 for me" is entitlement. Self-love says, " It would feel good if they do it, but they need to choose to do it!" If they are choosing not to do it, and it matters to you, move on.

Learn to value yourself and see yourself as someone loveable and quite capable of creating a healthy relationship without making too much effort. Learn to look for a situation where your needs will be met, not to attach your goals to a specific person or to a particular relationship.