Dysfunctional relationships post infidelity

How you can end up in a dysfunctional dynamic post infidelity This dysfunctional dynamic can prevent healthy progression of a relationship. When there is betrayal in a relationship, the couple might reconnect after fights or arguments or without a substantive promise to change. Here are some reasons why reconnections need to be delayed. It is helpful to break up and stay apart before reconnection. This helps both parties to make decisions from a place of clarity. It also helps to avoid abuse from bitterness , anger and resentment.. The betrayer feels entitled due to what he presumes to be the push to cheat. If the betrayed keeps begging, the betrayer might believe that he or she is too precious to lose. Unresolved issues can also make the betrayer view their partner as someone desperate.. Lack of boundaries makes the betrayer take advantage. The betrayer might also not respect the betrayed or nor really want them anymore, but might stay out of obligation and continue with their shenanigans. The betrayed feels entitled to fidelity. They might take back the betrayer without boundaries. Without support or healing work, they might believe that the betrayer is supposed to change because they are in a relationship. The betrayed might become abusive due to lack of trust and the belief that wherever they go, or whoever they talk to, the partner is cheating. They might not recognise that there is a reason why the other person cheated. The reason needs to be addressed or there is no awareness of what issues to resolve. Without resolution of cause, it might be difficult to find out what to resolve. So, the betrayed might remain bitter and unhappy. They might keep bringing the infidelity up. This might lead to abusive behaviours due to self-protective mechanisms. These behaviours might lead to distancing by the betrayer. They might find it hard to trust the betrayer. Not having worked on self-trust themselves , and prematurely tried to get back, they do not have access to inner resources to make the best decisions for themselves. It is hard to trust someone else when someone has not learnt to trust themselves. It helps to to take the time away from a triggering situation and make decisions from a place of clarity.

Getting back together when both have worked out a way forward, and support to move forward and tools to help them move forward is important.