Dysfunctional families are the source of women who love too much

The reason you many struggle to heal your habit of "loving too much" is because you might not see it as an addiction. You might also have problems associating yourself with labels and strong words such as alcoholism, violence, incest and addiction.

You might not look at your life realistically, because you are afraid of applying these labels to yourself or your family. When you cannot use words that apply to you, (not others), it hinders getting help.

At the root of this denial might be shame. Shame that society will not look at you the same again. But, if you learn that this is not about society, you can embrace your healing. It is about you working towards a quality and fulfilling life.

Sometimes you look at your material, academic or physical life, and do not feel that you need to be associated with such words as trauma and happy childhood. You associate coming from a happy home as a source of worthiness. Spiritual bypassing can be an issue because emotions are beneath you! Yet your inner world might be chaotic.

Also, these strong labels might not apply to you, but you might to have problems of a subtle nature. Your parents may have provided financially, but did not have a healthy relationship. The might not have provided emotional support.

This might be an unloving or emotionally unavailable father, a jealous and or a competitive mother, whose approval you needed to gain because you feared her hostility.

Dysfunctional families do not discuss root cause of problems. They may cover up underlying secrets due to shame. That secrecy is what makes the family dysfunctional.

In dysfunctional families, members have rigid roles resulting in restricted communication to maintain those roles. You might not have been able to express a full range of your experiences, wants, needs and feelings.

As circumstances change , the members adapt in order for the dynamic to continue. Major aspects of reality are denied. No-one discusses what affects the family members and individuals which are dismissed with, "we do not talk about that." Or , " you are upsetting your mother!"

As you live in an environment that denies your reality, you learn to deny your own too.

This affects how you live life and do relationships. You become a person who is unable to discern whether something or someone is good for you or not. You cannot realistically assess situations, and are therefore unable to avoid unsafe and unfulfilled situations that would normally repel others.

You do not have tools to assess situations and individuals. You do not trust your feelings to use them to guide you. You are naturally drawn to unhealthy "dangerous" situations, which damage you further. Much of what you are drawn to is the same as the dynamic in the childhood home you grew up in.

Heal your inner child to connect with yourself and to have peace in your life.

Learn to SIFTSEM to acknowledge and experience your emotions and learn solution focused rumination to act in your best interest.

Heal the inner child

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SIFTSEM toolkit

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