Reframes and replacements

Rather than waste time arguing with people online. Spend that time playing with your children or reading a book. Or writing a reflective journal.

Avoid constantly monitoring what a partner is doing or not doing and complaining that they are not spending time with you. Learn a language, learn to play an instrument or nurture your inner child and create.

Try not to waste time trying to devise ways to show someone how they are messing up and how they need to improve. Spend that time exploring why you are in this situation, why their behaviour is an issue to you. Devise ways to manage yourself without their changed behaviour.

Learn not to waste time trying to convince people to change when they are not making an effort to change. Spend that time looking into what changes you need to make to invest in yourself and feel content on your life.

Try not to pursue someone who is running away. Perhaps you are in a relationship with a partner who is inconsistent, and you have not yet mustered the courage to leave. Spend most of the time alone learning to consistently commit to your self, to your growth and other relationships.

When you are tempted to spend time trying to make people see your point of view, when they do not seem to be interested; parent yourself for the unmet need "to be understood" and "to be right", through self-parenting and soothing. Recognise that there are many perspectives out there and let others off the hook..

Perhaps you spend a lot of your time focusing on an ex or wondering what they are up to. It helps to spend that time grieving all the losses you have suffered, allocate your ex thinking time. Gradually wean yourself off as you heal the inner child. Learn acceptance and letting go.

Sometimes you might try too hard to convince people to like and love you, to vie for people's attention. Spend that time investing in self-attention . Meditation, gratitude, appreciation and loving your inner child. Explore your interests and opt to join people who do not need begging to stay around you.

In some cases you spend so much time trying to show the world what you have. Maybe your relationships, your possessions or your people. The idea is to show yourself what you have: you. Your heart of joy and kindness and the peacefulness you have thus achieved.

Limit the time you allocate pondering and worrying about someone who no longer wants to do relationship with you. Learn to accept their choices and not take it personally. Focus that time on helping others who are in need of support.

Perhaps you fall into depression or self-sabotage worrying about why people do not or why they stopped appreciating you. There are so many people out there who love and appreciate you and what you do. Just change focus.

Shift your focus from watching unfolding drama in someone's life or your own. Take yourself out of there and get yourself back into your own life. Create a drama free life.

Learn not to spend time trying to make people see your worth. Spend that time doing something for yourself that increases your credibility with yourself. Validate yourself.

When you feel strongly that someone is not supporting you. Or you feel like doing a lot for someone who is not stepping up for you. Take that time to evaluate all the things you need to do for yourself in your life.

Instead of pointing fingers of blame and accusations, look where the rest of your fingers are pointing and work on yourself.

Where you have the urge to be judgemental look within. Apply objective evaluation and create solutions with reframes.

In all these incidences you are triggered.

Take your forceful energy to catharsis Take your negative thoughts to reframes Take your long texts to journaling or blogging Take your brooding about a lost love for a walk. When you feel like shouting , sing. When you feeling like lashing out, dance. If you feel like criticising, appreciate and compliment If you feel like gossiping, join a healing support group. When you feel like giving someone a hard time, reflect, detach and give yourself a hard time in the gym, exercising. When you feel like blaming, take responsibility.

If you feel neglected, parent yourself and give yourself attention. If you feel lonely, spend quality time with your inner child. If you feel like destructive behaviour, create.

If you feel judgemental, help others. When you feel the need to repeat your point, hug yourself and speak words of affirmations to your inner child. When you feel like being passive-aggresive, meditate. When you feel the urge to impress others, or show off, stand in front of the mirror and impress the person you are facing. In all you want to do that is not in your best interest, there is an equally healthy behaviour you can apply or practice.

Your battle is not with anyone but yourself. You cannot suffer enough for the world to get better. Focus on yourself.