Do not let your children look for replacement parents outside your home

Do not let your children look for replacement parents outside your home

Love and affection are basic human needs. In fact, for a child to thrive, they require these needs from adults. If we do not give our children love, attention, affection and guidance in order to thrive, or we criticise and neglect them, they will look for parents outside the home. Apart from lack of adequate nutrition, lack of love and affection can result in the failure of a child to thrive. Just as we are healing for romance, if we recognise that we are seeking a healthy connection, then it would seem to be a fact that children "heal" or thrive within healthy connections. It goes without saying, children need to be loved with five love languages and five senses, the same way we approach relationships. So that in adulthood, they will not be looking for love in the wrong places. Without love, attention and affection, with criticism, corporal punishment and having to fend for themselves, depending on how they might internalise the deprivation, initially they might react and act out. If there is no improvement their coping strategies also worsen. If the parent continues to be unresponsive to the needs of the child, the child strengthens their coping strategies until they become a internalised strong case for survival. Consequently the child might How they might cope

• self-harm

•eating disorders

• severely reactive

•obsessive compulsive disorders

•withdrawal.

•substance and alcohol misuse.

Consequently, the child develops other mental illnesses.

Some children might look for parents externally and as previously discussed, end up in unhealthy circles.

On the other hand, it is helpful to recognise that no matter how long this has been going on, making changes as adults might minimise progression of mental illness or the child's behaviours. Every child needs love and affection. Learn to give children love with five love languages. Physical touch Daily hugs, once to three times a day initially. For younger kids, gentle head scratches. Cheek, pecks and kisses. Patting. Rock your child. Playfully ruffle their hair and gently tap their face. Teach them tapping. Quality time. Spend quality not quantity time with children. One to one, and group. Let them talk about their interests. 10 minutes can be enough depending on age. Spend time with younger kids playing and creating. Do deep breathing exercises with them. Teach children 1 to 5 minutes meditation, but only practice with them, not tell them. Making the time is key. Acts of service Help them with homework. Ask what they need help with. Assist with something specific they need help with. Words of affirmations Use gratitude and teach gratitude during self-care sessions. Teach them to be proud of themselves when they do something helpful. Use words of encouragement. Gifts Many parents might use gifts as an act of love. Moderation is key. Get something meaningful in nature instead of buying things that they already have. Explain why you got it for them. When you give your children touch, they might not mistake token sex for love. When you give your children and teach quality time, they will not mistake quick boots calls for love. When you give your children and teach your child sentimental gifts, they might not mistakenly sell their bodies for love. When you give your children and teach acts of service, they do not mistake contorting themselves in different positions in bed for love.

When you love your children with words of affirmations they do not mistake bed talk for love. Self management Children learn to manage themselves at home and in their young years. They learn boundaries through the way they feel, which is a result of how they are treated. We could learn to allow them to reflect on situations and what they could have done differently. Ask them how they are feeling if they are upset. Give them space to sulk. Then have a discussion later on about what was going on in them. Teach by example. Learn to minimise and eventually eliminate aggression and confrontations. We are also learning. Eventually these can become occasional. Apologise if you lose it or when we are wrong. Ask what they think?

We are not perfect, but we can learn to do something about changing the narrative. It is not easy to learn new habits and skills, bit our why needs to revolve around our children's wellbeing and our own. Whatever is happening to us, we need to try to improve our existence and that of the people who are relying on us to thrive.