Do not beg anyone to stay
- Memory
- Mar 23, 2022
- 2 min read
Trying to beg someone who has left to come back when they are ignoring you.
Life is opinion or perception. If someone's perception is that you are not good for them, or that they cannot commit to you, you can only accept their view and let them go.
If you turned up at a buffet, or someone offered you food that you do not like, surely, nobody can force you to eat. Same as this person.
People know what they want, and what they want might not be you. To love others is to accept that they might want different from us. Or not even want us. And that is the choice we all have.
We are also not compatible with everyone. If this person ignoring you, hss blocked you and left, that also needs to be a turn off. Why would you want to pursue or make requests to someone who has made their intentions clear?
You would not knock and beg a bank to open after closing time. Why force people to be, do and accept something they do not want?
When someone has left and is not accepting your requests, this is also a great opportunity to recognise what you do not want in a relationship. Someone who does not understand you. Someone you have to pursue or work hard fpr. Surely, you want to be in a situation where you feel that someone is effortlessly giving and receiving.
And there is mutual understanding.
On your part, it helps to parent yourself. It also helps you to explore why it matters so much that someone who has excluded you in their choices believes you, to the point of abandoning yourself.
When you are feeling abandoned, yet feel the need to pursue, recognise that you might need to sit with your emotions and parent yourself. This means focusing inwards, rather than trying to soothe with externals.
Heal the inner child after exploring what kind of parents raised you. Fear of abandonment can make you try too hard when you can gracefully let go.
Someone not wanting to be with you is not personal. It is a compatibility issue. They are feeling what they are feeling, and that is no reflection on your worth.
Seneca taught us this,
"Remember that all we have is “on loan” from Fortune, which can reclaim it without our permission—indeed, without even advance notice. Thus, we should love all our dear ones, but always with the thought that we have no promise that we may keep them forever—nay, no promise even that we may keep them for long."
Learn dichotomy of control. Accept the shortness of life and impermanence of things. Put yourself in this person's shoes to understand their perspective. Let go and focus on your healing.
Block, delete and heal. Seek accountability and a go to person to contact when you feel like reaching out.
There is a root cause in behaviour to every failed relationship. However, this is for learning, rather than self punishment. Allow yourself to grieve. Invest in self-care and in your interests. Create a relationship plan for the future and prepare to get into a conscious relationship.
SIFTSEM tool on Amazon can help you with these questions.
Becoming the one can teach you self-love.
Comments