Sex is not commitment

Translating sex into relationship If you slept with someone and they left, recognise that some people believe that sleeping with you is a way of showing their power. That is a trauma response. There are people who were abused and might have confusion about what love or power means. Some people also do not have an idea about how to communicate. They might not be into you, but may want sex and once they sleep with you, they run because of fear that you will want a relationship. Solution Recognise that sex does not equal commitment or even relationship. If you know that you attach after sex, do not sleep with people unless you are exclusive. Even then, there is no guarantee that they will commit. What helps even more is to adjust your attitude towards sex. Look into your beliefs around srx, but also do sex in your best interest. Why do I want to have sex now? What do I feel about this? Why with this person, in this place, at this time? Worthiness When you have attached worthiness to a relationship, each time you meet someone you like, you believe them to be your forever after. When they leave, you might feel devastated. This attitude also prevents you from enjoying the moment because you are always worried about what might or might not happen in the relationship. Freedom of choice If you are with or longing for someone, that means you are choosing them over many other people who might be interested in you. However, if this person does not feel the same way about you, recognise that they are also choosing just like you are choosing. Your choose does not have to be theirs. It is important to make peace with other people's choices. To respect their freedom and let go. Make peace with rejection. Struggling with letting go is a subconscious way to control outcomes. Abandonment trauma leads you to struggle with rejection. You therefore try your best to hold on and get then back to avoid feeling rejected. This is avoidance of emotions. Sit with your feelings and compassionately challenge your inner critic. Focus on people who are in your life and who love you. Help others in need. Loneliness Perhaps you feel lonely and therefore try to feel the void. You might then end up collecting people and not letting go of them because you believe you cannot live without them. The attitude of attaching people to your goals can lead to getting into abusive situations where you will be taken for granted.

Look for situations where your needs will be met, not a person.

Maintain loving boundaries in your life, for what you want and what you allow.

Learn to be the parent you need.

Make peace with rejection.

Be there for yourself and make peace with solitude. Learn to use your discomfort to create solutions in your best interest. Invest in your interests and other relationships.

Work on your beliefs and attitude towards sex. Respect yourself, but recognise that se x is not commitment.

Trust and allow others to know what is best for them. That is the freedom we are all seeking.

Trust the universe to guide you to people who are on the same page. When someone says no, there are plenty others who will say yes to you.