Discernment to heal your relationships

Every situation and experience teaches you something. When something happens that is sudden, unexpected and challenging that is called life. Try to feel your feelings and soothe. Practice the dichotomy of control. Focus on what is within your control (your actions) and let go of what you cannot control!

Feeling your feelings helps you to pay attention to you than others. You can eventually settle and calm down, instead of launching into reactive action such as attacking, complaining, venting or passive-aggressive attitude. Or watching what other people or the other person is doing.

Ask yourself what lessons you can learn from this situation?

How have you dealt with it before?

How would you deal with it in a self-compassionate way?

Reframe.

Release the energy with a cathartic exerciseMeeting an adult, dating an adult or in a relationship with an adult, means they know what they want. They know what they are doing.

Early on in your relationship you need to identify if they are major (dealbreakers) behaviours and attitudes in the person you do not like. If there are, let them go earlier on.

It is not you who knows what is best for them.

If you do not let them go, because there is something about them you like, it means that you are trying to get into fixing mode. You can end up over-functioning to get outcomes.

You might treat this adult like a child and control them, in order for them to become what you want. And that does not work.

You cannot fix anyone but yourself.

People know why they do what they do in the moment. Know what you want and leave them behind rather than keep tabs on them.

Before you take any action, or decide to tell a person what they are doing that you do not like, accept that they are choosing what they know, what they like, what they are doing.

If you have told this person repeatedly what you are not happy with, they are choosing. What they want is not up to you to choose.

So if you want to be in control, take control of yourself,of your attitude, of your life. If you are struggling to heal yourself and accept other people's choices, you cannot expect another person to do what you want to soothe you.

By continuing to try and change this person, you are choosing to stay in this environment. You are trying to change a situation that you cannot change. People will react if you try to control them . Let go of the need to control other people. Especially not a partner, an equal

There are people in your life that you can influence, where you teach, where you coach, or in your friends circle. Even then, if people are not responding you have no right to keep forcing your opinion on people. You need to let people self-destruct if they so choose.

Some people have these habits that they have had the rest of their lives and maybe nobody has pointed them out before. When you point them out, you might become the enemy or they can label you as controlling. They might become passive aggressive or even aggressive. People have a way of trying to protect themselves.

If someone has unhealthy habits or is sabotaging relationship, remember, you cannot change people who are not faithful to themselves to become faithful to you.

You can not teach someone who has no compassion for himself to develop compassion for you. Some people are not in your jurisdiction to support and assist. They are their business. You can break your heart trying to mend theirs and you cannot. No, you cannot.

Leave people where they are. As far as you have walked together and let them choose. Yes, they have the freedom to choose. So do you!