Difficulties with older children

We have different layers of relationships. Some key relationships are with our older children. It is helpful for those who are still to have children or those with young children at home, to recognise how challenges arise later on in life. You are not alone in your challenges with older children. Some people let their older children walk all over them, others are constantly trying to change something in their relationship with their older children. Maybe they have been abandoned, are ignored or the relationship is strained. Here are some tips for you. It can feel difficult to manage this because we feel an obligation towards our children. Yet, the best gift we can give our grown child is letting go and allowing them freedom of choice. Perhaps you are wondering why your children have turned on you, or why you do not get on. Childhood trauma is behind this. It can be hard to accept that you did something that is creating a rift with your children. However, if you really want change, for the better, learn the dichotomy of control. Things have happened that have created a rift between you, and that determines your relationship. Explore four types of parenting to appreciate what type of parent you were. Authoritarian, uninvolved, or permissive. These parenting styles are damaging. Next, recognise that you cannot change the past and you need to accept that you did what you did with what you had or knew. However, you can apologise, and make changes in your life going forward. You can become a more loving and self-involved , supportive human. If you have younger children, change your relationship patterns, your behaviour and parenting styles. Carve out more time to be more self loving in order to minimise stress which affects parenting.

Learn to live a peaceful life. Take responsibility for your happiness. It is not based on what others do. While it would be great to have a loving family, people , even the ones we gave birth to, have choices.

People are on loan. Life gives them to us. Children belong to the future. Let go of the belief that they owe you. Allow these adult children to be and do what they are happy with.

Be your own parent

It is ok to hurt, and it is ok to parent yourself and let go. Focus on yourself. Create a vision board and use affirmations.

Include your children in your affirmations and gratitude. Do not hold grudges with them, their partners or anyone.

Avoid blame. The universe responds to your vibrations. Follow your bliss and live your life. Use SIFTSEM to parent yourself daily and validate yourself. Treat yourself as the child you could have raised with love. Be the parent you want for your children. Let go of control or a feeling of entitlement. You are the only person you can control. However, create boundaries if your older children are abusive. Do not live in pain because of something you can no longer change.

Treat yourself with respect and maintain respect for them too.

If they are distant, do not force outcomes or try too hard. Love them from a distance. There are only lessons in your experience. You are not alone in your experience. Find and associate with circles who nurture you. The SIFTSEM Journal: The self-healer`s diary to develop emotional awareness and self-management in 90 days. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09CRNQDML/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_CD6XMJ551ESDAGF47SBC Heal your inner child to connect with yourself!: Self-reparenting to strengthen the self-connection for quality life! https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08W3F34WG/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_PG4BEW9Z3W2EGBV79Z5P