Denial and control in people who love too much

Dysfunctional families have shared denial of reality. Denial is the root of Dysfunctional families.

Denial in families is seen when anyone who wants to break through secrets in the family or describe the family situation in detail will be resisted or ridiculed. They can be excluded, in the circle of family acceptance, from activities affection and acceptance .

Denial is not conscious. It is a defence mechanism that just happens as the ego not to feel emotions provides protection from overwhelming conflicts , burdens and fears to cancel out information that is troublesome.

If someone comes into a troubled home, and problems ensue in their presence, they might not be accepted back again to witness the family secrets.

Family members avoid feeling shame, helpless, pity, disgust,panic, despair and resentment. In future this becomes the reason to be in control in relationships.

People in uncomfortable situations seek control of them.

Some children will do better at school because getting a good job is the only way to improve their situation at home.

Such children can also behave to put right the unbearable problems in the family because the child feels responsible.

Children feel guilty for family problems and might also get blamed in families for none of their fault.

Selfless behaviour may be an attempt to control. When people who are in troubled unhappy situations or relationships try to help others, the need to control must always be suspected.

Attempting to tell or do for a grown person what they are able to do for themselves, or not allow them to face their consequences, that is an act of control.

What you are trying to do is to feel good by the very change of this person's behaviour.

If you have the habit of denial and control, you will gravitate towards people who demand those traits. Since you have learnt to avoid your feelings, you gravitate towards people who help you create difficult situations.

In turn you can start to help or control for his life to be easy and deny reality. The intensity of your need to help your partner comes from neediness than choice.