Daughters of violent fathers

Children brought up in a household with a dad who beat up their mother can struggle to choose healthy relationships.

She grew up wanting her mother to leave. She wanted to love her mother and take away her pain.

Some such women gravitate towards a man who hates women. She feels pity for the hurt he had in childhood which causes him to hate women. She wants to change her father in her partner's or in this man.

She loves this man to prove that there are better women out there in the world. She tries to prove to him, through her achievements , and her over-functioning, that there are women out there who are better than he has come across, or better than his abusive mother.

She does not take the time to love herself, in order to get time to give him the love he needs. She wants to avoid proving him right in his hate for women. Initially he is hooked by his advert, because he is curious about whether there are indeed women who are not spoilt and want to get their own way.

To prove herself to him she does more than her fair share of loving. She wants to prove how nice she is . She tries to show him that she will not hurt him as he was hurt before. In the process, she gets hurt emotionally, and then physically, as he starts to physically abuse her.

It is important to learn that if a man is angry at women, he is likely at some point to push one around. She might also find out from his ex's that he has a history of violence.

Such a woman needs to join a support group for women who are drawn to unhealthy relationships.

These women are used to putting up with incredible amounts of pain.

It is hard to leave relationships, because these women would like to prove to the man that he is loveable. If she can love him just enough, he might change.

To win in the struggle with the man is important to her as it symbolizes a win in her parents' relationship.

Such women need to learn to detach and let go. To heal the inner child.