Daughters of emotionally absent fathers

In some families, the father is literally never there. This might be because the father works a lot. This might be a father, who even when he is at home, is always doing something or fixing something.

Dad seems to have his back on his children , but children feel how wonderful it was to have him around in those moments. Children will make an effort to talk to their father because he does not make an effort himself.

As a grown woman, the child meets a man, sometimes older, who has a melancholy look, who does not look you in the face or similar. He might be good looking, and that is another attraction for her. He does look unavailable and out of reach , but the challenge to get to know him and to understand him, is overwhelming for her. If she can be understanding and compassionate, he can talk to her. He seems preoccupied with something and she keeps trying to win his attention.

When he then speaks to her, every word he speaks is given the utmost attention, because it is like gold dust. Her behaviours is the same as what she did with her father- try too hard. She has to try to get him in her direct line of vision so he can acknowledge her.

In her naivety, she thinks his faraway look is maturity. Through yearning the love and attention of her father, she tries to win the attention of an unavailable and detached man. Just like her father, he is difficult to capture, so she makes it her mission to "catch him!"

Available and attentive men who are affectionate do not arouse the deep yearning to be loved, that she felt with her father. The unattainable partner offers this woman the chance to win the love of a man who avoided her in her childhood. Except, it leads to pain and rejection.

She needs to parent her inner child.

Heal her father wound.

Learn to accept available men even when they are boring.

Sit with the discomfort of her boredom with unchallenging men.

To learn to be in healthy spaces where she does not need to make an effort to be loved.