Critical thinking in life and relationships

A tip to help you manage your life and relationships is to recognise that every problem has a root. Applying analysis, interpretation, inference, explanation, self-regulation, open-mindedness, and problem-solving, you can manage your life with ease, without dependence and being overly independent.

Remember what Marcus Aurelius said,

"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking."

Analysis

Learn to look deeper into situations instead of managing symptoms or what is happening. When dealing with a problem, objectively analyse it to explore the root cause.

In a relationship or posts we read about relationship, it is worth stepping back to explore deeper issues. If you just take everything at face value, you might not be able to help yourself or the person seeking guidance in a beneficial way.

When you have relationship problems, avoid jumping to conclusions and blaming your partner, or yourself. Dig deeper and unravel the dynamic.

Whatever is happening in your relationship is a symptom.

Your partner cheating.

Your partner being abusive or aggressive.

Your partner not being consistent.

Your partner not stepping up.

Your relationship breaking down.

If you simply get mad at your partner for cheating or for their behaviour, you are likely to apply bandaid of symptom management. Meanwhile, the roots are going deeper unexplored.

Rather than command, demand or beg a partner to step up, to communicate more, to be respectful, to be kind, focus on the following first.

Self-regulation, problem-solving and open mindedness

1. Describe the dynamic and your thoughts and feelings about it.

2. What is causing this dynamic? Why are you in this dynamic?

3. Why are you triggered or affected by this dynamic?

4. What other perspective is out there?

Address all-or-nothing thinking - Just because it has happened before, does not mean it will happen again.

Address always being right- there is other ways to look at situations.

Address emotional reasoning - How you feel is not an absolute truth.

Role reversal

What would the other person say about you in this situation, if you put yourself in their shoes?

5. What can you now do about the situation?

What is within your control ?

Focus on yourself. No matter how justified you feel in your need to have your needs met, you are the only person you can control.

What can you influence?

If it is safe to do so, parent yourself and learn to express appreciation when your partner does what you are wishing they would do.

You may also express yourself once or twice to make your desires known.

What can you let go of?

If you have expressed yourself to someone twice and they do not step up, recognise that they are choosing. They have the freedom to choose. You also have the freedom to choose what is best for you.

Let go of attachment to outcomes.

If you do not address why you are in a situation and solve your problems from the root by appraising each situation holistically,

applying the dichotomy of control by choosing your battles,

you might end up in the cycles and patterns that make you believe you are unlucky.