Control tendencies

Control tendencies

Normally when you feel the urge to do something, to talk to someone about something that they are not doing,

to call out someone, to complain about someone, laughing about someone's situation, to force your opinion, to blame, to make someone do something for you to feel something; it is for one reason alone - avoiding your discomfort.

It is only because you want others to make the changes that are necessary for you to get peace of mind.

Yet, that is not possible, because you are going to come across many people who are doing what you might perceive as needing changing.

All those people need to make changes for you to feel peaceful. It is going to exhaust you to have them make those changes, and for them to do as you desire.

The idea is to recognise that only you can make the necessary changes to apply a detached view to every situation you encounter. There are many perspectives out there, and yours cannot be the only one others need to adhere to.

Also, accept that people are free to choose. Allow them their choices so that they can decide whether to make necessary changes without pressure.

Marcus Aurelius taught us this, "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

Marcus Aurelius!"

It is quite acceptable to make recommendations to others, but, if you are feeling a strong need to do, or to say something for someone else to change when they are resisting, here is what you might need to do.

Sit with your feelings and expectations to determine why you are feeling and thinking and doing , what you are feeling, thinking and doing , and do something differently .

Sit with your urge to reach out, and like a parent, soothe yourself. Journal.

Choose what is best for you. If you detach and stop doing relationship if the relationship is messy, or put focus on yourself, you can observe changes.

If someone is not changing, they are choosing not to change. There is no incentive to change. They might be feeling pressured. In which case you need to choose what is best for you. Because pressure does not make people change. It repels them.