Cognitive distortions in your relationship

These are scenarios where you might ruin your relationship with cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions come from an attachment to outcomes. They come from a lack of ability to control oneself and therefore try to control external or others in order to soothe.. They are rooted in an unmet need, " to be in control."

1. All-or-nothing thinking. If he is late coming home today, he will always be late. Then the nervous system gets busy!

This kind of thinking will have you creating scenarios about someone who might be in a tube underground without network to contact you.

Or venting and kicking up a fuss about someone who simply needs me-time.

You can catastrophise about someone who is busy in a meeting with a boss.

You can end up self-destructing for someone who is innocently hanging out with their mates.

Emotional reasoning - Do not always believe that just because you feel something, it is true. Sometimes it is not the gut, it is your anxiety.

Always being right. This can be in the form of trying to convince your partner that your point of view is the right view. You might also, then try to recruit your partner to only follow your ways and your guidance. When your partner resists, your world will come crashing down because of simple different perspective or differences.

The idea is to sit at the top of a mountain and look down at your perspective. What else do you see the down there? Surely it is a tiny dot compared to what other perspective out there.

What to do

Sit with your cognitive distortions whichever it is. Pay attention to how you are feeling and what you are thinking.

Parent and soothe.

Consider reframes and role reversal.

They are softer and other versions apart from perspective.

Consider that even if what you are thinking is almost true, what is in your control?

Consider detaching from outcomes.

Learn to focus on yourself and what you can control.

You want to be head enjoy your perspective acknowledged. So does your partner.

Learn to notice the positives for balance.

Gratefulness and affirmations.

Shake off your trauma in a cathartic shake.