Choosing your battles is self-care

When we were or are growing up, we develop coping strategies to respond to the way our parents loved or disciplined us. Punished us or shamed us. These strategies worked then, but when we use them in adulthood, we can work against ourselves. When we step out into the world, we are going to meet with people in different emotional and physical states.

As Marcus Aurelius said, When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me.

No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural."

Someone whose relative is in hospital might come into the interaction with hostility in a queue. Choose your battles. At work, you will find people who have something negative to say about this , that or the other. About this person or that one over there. Not knowing what is happening in their lives, focus on your job. Pick your battles, excuse and parent yourself.

An ex might keep resurfacing and leaving. You got nothing to prove. Do not retraumatise yourself. Choose your battles.

Someone who recently broke up with a partner might react unnecessarily at you. Choose your battles. People might try to engage with you to one up someone, to diss your ex, your partner. Choose your battles.

Your partner's crush or ex might keep trying to contact you. You have nothing to say. Choose your battles. You might find people inviting you to spaces which are drama filled. Situations that are riddled with chaos, where people only talk about people. Not ideal, not events. People. Pick your battles. Your partner might start arguments, to create chaos in the relationship for some reason. Not knowing where they are coming from, choose your battles. Your parents might demand that you contribute to some family activities. Not knowing where they are coming from, access your inner parents and choose your battles. When you live consciously, you can recognise when people are trying to bring their chaos into interactions. When you are invited to chaos. In those moments, the temptation is to react, or to accommodate the state of melee.

Equally recognise that the very act of bringing chaos into interactions is a reflection of inner chaos. An inner struggle. Ask your inner mother if this is where you want to be? Where you will thrive? Recognise that your peace of mind matters. The invitation night be sent out, but you can RSVP a no.

You have nothing to prove to anyone. Choose your battles.

Pay attention to your words. Your thoughts about yourself, the world and others. How they influence actions and especially how you respond to people you encounter. In each encounter or interaction, we never know where someone is coming from. The idea is not to be carried away by each and every current we come across. Parent yourself and choose your battles. Practice self-care before you leave home. Including meditation, gratitude, affirmations, self-hugs, cathartic shake and deep breathing. Especially set an intention before you leave the building. Any building. Segment intending before the next task. Any task. Mindfulness. Boundaries. Reframes. Less focus on other people's behaviour. More on how you feel.