Categories of parents who raised you

There are three main categories of parents It helps to understand these types of parents who raised you, to understand why you are where you are in life. It also helps you to understand the type of parent you are.

Category 1: Well meaning parents who neglected themselves Permissive - They fail to set enough limits or deliver enough consequences. Workaholic - They over-work and inadvertently view material wealth as a form of parental love, while neglecting needs of child. Achievement/Perfection - They can overemphasise their child’s accomplishment and success at the cost of his happiness Well-meaning parents may accidentally neutralise their children’s emotions. Parents Think that they are doing what is best for their children. They act out of love, not out of self-interest. Most are simply raising their children the way they themselves were raised, by parents who were blind to their emotions. They grew up with the same emotional blind spot that their own parents had. They are blind to their children’s emotions. They pass the neglect down unconsciously. The childrem Grow into adulthood with all the symptoms of emotional neglect Confusion about where those symptoms came from. Self-blame and guilt. This is because when they look back at their childhood for an explanation for your problems they might not notice them. They remember their childhood seemingly normal and fine. They remember what their well-meaning parents gave you. They cannot recall what their parents failed to give them. They feel defective and blame themselves for problems in adult life. They feel guilty for what seems to be irrational anger at their well-meaning parents. They lack emotion skills, unless they have taught themselves. They had no opportunity to learn them in childhood. Being with their parents is boring. Their parents do not see or know the real child, as they are today. They know that their parents love them, but they do not necessarily feel it. Knowing the type of emotionally neglectful parents you have is tremendously helpful. It helps you improve your relationship with your parents, as well as protect yourself emotionally. Type of emotionally neglectful parents who raised you Category 2: Struggling Parents Bereaved, Divorced or Widowed Caring for a special needs family member Child as Parent Depressed Struggling parents emotionally neglect their child as they are so taken up with coping. Lack time, attention or energy to notice what their child is feeling or struggling with. Bereaved, hurting, depressed or ill, they have no bandwidth to be attentive and parent lovingly. They do not notice a child's feelings enough, They do not respond to a feelings enough. The reasons for their failure is actually irrelevant, but a child may not yet realise this. As an adult, the child looks back and sees a struggling parent who loved them and tried hard. Child finds it impossible to hold parent accountable. Children of struggling parents often grow up to be overly self-sufficient. They also blame themselves for their adult struggles. How do they know Great empathy toward their parents. A strong wish to help or take care of parents. Have gratefulness for all their parents have done for the, yet cannot understand why they sometimes feel an inexplicable anger toward parents. They excessive focus on taking care of other people’s needs, often to their own detriment. Their parents are not harsh or emotionally injurious toward them. An understanding of the type of emotionally neglectful parents who raised you, helps you improve your relationship with your parents, as well as protect yourself emotionally. No need to hate your parents. Learn to develop yourself.

Category 3: Self-Involved Parents Parents with Narcissistic personality disorder NPD wants his child to help parent feel special. Authoritarian -Wants respect, at all costs. Addicted may not be selfish at heart, but due to her addiction, is driven by a need for her substance of choice. Sociopathic parent wants only two things: power and control. Parenta are Not necessarily motivated by what is best for their child. Motivated to gain something for themselves. Can be quite harsh in ways that do damage to the child on top of emotional neglect. The parent with NPD The addicted parent These parents are the most difficult one for most children to see or accept. No one wants to believe that his parents were, and are, out for themselves. Child can see that something is or was wrong with their parents. Child remembers various mistreatments or harsh or controlling act, and may be more understanding of the reasons they have problems in adult life. They may be less prone to blame themselves. How do they know Oten feel anxious before seeing parents. Often find themselves hurt when they are with parents. May get physically sick right before, during, or after seeing parents. Have significant anger at parents. The relationship with parents feels false, or fake. Difficult to predict whether parents will behave in a loving or rejecting way toward child from one moment to the next. Sometimes parents seem to be playing games with child or manipulating child. Parents may even trying to purposely hurt child. Knowing the type of emotionally neglectful parents you have is tremendously helpful. It helps you improve your relationship with your parents, as well as protect yourself emotionally.